Wow, this op-ed from Tuesday by @FDD’s @CliffordDMay is hillarious and a classic example of self-parody neocon mad libs. Let’s dive in shall we? 1/10

First, the opener. You gotta go big, so why not kick ‘er off with some good old fashioned WWII porn: “The Dec. 7, 1941, attack on Pearl Harbor was a wakeup call. It led to a high-intensity armed conflict that, within a few years, defeated the fascists of Europe and Asia.” 2/10

But wait, what’s that? Oh man, this opener is really not messing around. WWII porn AND 9/11 porn! How else are you going to begin if not by citing two historical events most associated with American primacy and militarism? 3/10

Next: Assemble all America’s vicious state enemies into one graph. BONUS POINTS: A “Death to America” reference (we’ll see whether “the Mullahs” make an appearance):

What about the non-state actors you ask? They’re next. “The jihadists” are EVERYWHERE: 5/10

Now we’re on to making the case for forever wars: 6/10

Next, who is it that is standing in the militarists’ way? Fred, Velma, Daphne, Shaggy, and Scoob — “The Restrainers”
7/10

Restrainers, or “isolationists” as Cliff May likes to smear them in 100% bad faith, are the bad guys because they want to end “endless wars.” The Fools! Don’t they know that Iran is on a Jihad to destroy the West!!!?! 8/10

This op-ed really needs some ammo now. Who better than … wait for it … yes that’s right, General. David. Petraeus. And hey, why wouldn’t the guy most responsible for cementing us in forever wars argue they’ve been “reasonably successful”? 9/10

And wouldn’t you know it, but all that hard fighting over the last two decades “ought not to be squandered” by doing something silly like ending these ridiculous wars. Hell no!

And finally, the self-parody neocon mad lib has to end how it begin: some more 9/11 porn. 10/10