Why "manspreading" is such an issue: my personal anecdote from a plane ride a year ago.

TLDR: I don't know the intentions or the reaction to me claiming back my space

In advance: yes, I mean MANspreading. b/c although women can spread out too, I've never felt threatened by this

So, I was in the middle seat. An "average" sized man (~160-190 lbs) took the aisle seat. I turned aaway for a moment to readjust my seatbelt and came back to find his knee completely under the seat in front of me

Had I been in the window seat, maybe I would have ignored it and turned away from him. But I was tired, stuck in the middle, and preparing for a 3+ hour flight. I wanted my tiny bit of knee space.

I hestitated to put my knee back and touch his. Why? Because I had no idea what his knee was doing there or how he would react. I've woken up on an international flight with a drunk man's hand on my inner thigh "by mistake". I've also sat by folks who just don't know their size

I gave the benefit of the doubt that it was an accident that would be corrected. After 10 minutes, it became clear that I had to either take my space back or enjoy the flight with half of my space. So, I put my knee back in its spot, just touching his

He didn't move. At all. No look towards me, no shifting of the body. Except his leg tightened in place. I applied more pressure. He stayed steady. More pressure. He started pushing back slightly

This continued until after take-off. Remember, his knee was COMPLETELY past his arm-rest.
When the plane suddenly banked, his leg accidentally shifted, and I got my space. He pushed back for a moment, then sighed, and set his knee straight

I have no idea why he did this. And that's why it was scary. He could have gotten angry, he could have harrassed me, he could have followed me through the airport. I didn't know if taking back my space (I repeat: taking back MY SPACE) would be worse than avoiding the situation

I've taken back my space from a woman in the past and it has always been met with "oops, sorry" - but this isn't to say this is always the situation. And also, I don't need the "not all men" thing. This wasn't my first negative experience with manspreading. Sometimes it goes okay

For me, manspreading isn't about the lack of space or the inconvenience. It's the fear of what will happen if I reclaim my space or push back against the contact.