Dating Part 2 (Modern Dating)

We may basically define modern dating as a method of introduction and carrying out of a pre-marital relationship between a single man and a single woman:

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that begins with either the man or the woman initiating with the other;
that is conducted outside the formal oversight or authority of either person’s family or church; and ......

that may or may not have marriage as its goal and is often purely “recreational” or “educational

The biblical support for the modern approach to dating …. That was it.

There isn’t any. The very idea of extended romantic or sexual involvement outside of marriage doesn’t even appear in Scripture unless it is described as illicit (sinful).

Furthermore, it doesn’t even appear in any society, western or otherwise, in any systematic way until the 20th century.

While the principles supporting biblical dating have their beginnings with the very structure of the family, modern dating has its origins with the sexual revolution of the 1960s. It is brand new, and yet, seemingly, it is all we know.

Differences Between Modern Dating and Biblical Dating
So what’s the real difference? Here are some fundamentals:

Modern dating philosophy assumes that there will be several intimate romantic relationships in a person’s life before marriage. In fact, it advocates “playing the field” in order to determine “what one wants” in a mate.

Biblical dating has as its goal to be emotionally and physically intimate with only one member of the opposite sex … your spouse.

Modern dating tends to be egalitarian (no differences between men and women in spiritual or emotional “wiring” or God-given roles).

Biblical dating tends to be complementarian (God has created men and women differently and has ordained each of these spiritual equals to play different and valuable roles in the church and in the family).

Modern dating tends to assume that you will spend a great deal of time together (most of it alone). Biblical dating tends to encourage time spent in group activities or with other people the couple knows well.

Modern dating tends to assume that you need to get to know a person more deeply than anyone else in the world to figure out whether you should be with him or her. The biblical approach suggests that real commitment to the other person should precede such a high level of intimacy.

Modern dating tends to assume that a good relationship will “meet all my needs and desires,” and a bad one won’t — it’s essentially a self-centered approach. Biblical dating approaches relationships from a completely different perspective —

one of ministry and service and bringing glory to God.

Modern dating tends to assume that there will be a high level of emotional involvement in a dating relationship, and some level of physical involvement as well. Biblical dating assumes no physical intimacy and more limited emotional intimacy outside of marriage.

Modern dating assumes that what I do and who I date as an adult is entirely up to me and is private (my family or the church has no formal or practical authority). Biblical dating assumes a context of spiritual accountability, as is true in every other area of the Christian life

Basically, we can make three general statements about modern dating vs. biblical dating in terms of their respective philosophies

Modern dating seems to be about “finding” the right person for me (as lot of people have written on this App, “Stop Test-Driving Your Girlfriend“); biblical dating is more about “being” the right person to serve my future spouse’s needs and be a God-glorifying husband or wife.

In modern dating, intimacy precedes commitment. In biblical dating, commitment precedes intimacy.

The modern dating approach tells us that the way to figure out whether I want to marry someone is to act like we are married. If we like it, we make it official. If we don’t, then we go through something emotionally — and probably physically —

like a divorce. In biblical dating, Scripture guides us as to how to find a mate and marry, and the Bible teaches, among other things, that we should act in such a way so as not to imply a marriage-level commitment until that commitment exists before the Lord.

I’m so confident that as we go back and forth in the coming days to weeks, some — perhaps many — of you will disagree (if you don’t already) or be initially annoyed at some of my statements,

Please don't come fighting me, I don't like fight .

Ask yourself why. What are you trying to hold onto that you think this approach will take from you (privacy, autonomy, a secular idea of freedom or of your own rights)?
You want that kind of dating the world approves of, where you should be sure he can go 5 rounds in bed

By having sex with him, which is so different from the biblical dating.

I have a particular challenge for those of you whose main objection is that the practical details we’ll talk about here “are not explicitly biblical”: think about the details of how you conduct (or would like to conduct) your dating life.

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Can you find explicit support for the modern approach in Scripture? Are there even broad principles in Scripture that justify the modern vision of dating (or yours, whatever it may be)? The Bible simply doesn’t give us explicit instructions on some of what we’ll discuss.

Fair enough. In such a situation, we should ask what gets us closest to clear biblical teaching. In other words, within the many gray areas here, what conduct in our dating lives will help us to best care for our brothers and sisters in Christ and bring honor to His name?

That’s it. That’s a basic framework for biblical dating as best I can discern it from the principles of God’s Word.

I am not writing all those to offend anyone, I just hope that we will pick a few things from it, study on our own and try to make adjustments.
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