Ok, SO - let's talk about why, even though you may not hold any conscious hatred, fear, animosity, or other prejudice against a minority (race, religion, sexual orientation, etc.), you sometimes get called "--phobic" and why you need to stop mushroom-clouding in response.

There are two different kinds of --phobia, be it queerphobia, xenophobia, sexism, or what have you. The one most people quickly and easily identify as, and associate with, the terms "---phobia" is the conscious, purposeful, intentional act of aggression or oppression.

Someone yelling at the lady in front of them in line speaking Spanish to their children that we're in Murica and she should speak English, perfect example. Someone saying Black people are inferior to white people and/or even committing a hate crime against a black person, yes.

Someone saying women should only be homemakers or can't physically or mentally or emotionally be equal to men for any sort of reason, mmhmm. Someone saying people who are gay are going to hell and kicking their gay child out of the house, yep. All these--conscious, intentional.

These people are aware that they do not like (to put it mildly) that minority/oppressed group, for whatever reasons they have. They aren't only aware, they don't find anything wrong with their opinion on it, and don't think actively being aggressive or oppressive to them is bad.

These people 100% exist, they are awful to deal with, and real, and should never be tolerated, and it's disgusting. Absolutely. These people are also, bare with me here, not the largest percentage of real phobics. They are very loud about it but they aren't the majority.

The reason they are emboldened however to perpetuate their bad bad bad behavior is because they are constantly and consistently reinforced in their beliefs due to a much different kind of phobic approach. They are kept afloat by people who aren't consciously phobic.

How, you ask? That doesn't even make sense, you may cry! People who aren't intentionally phobic are somehow supporting or reinforcing conscious phobics? Yes, indeed they are. Because there are two different ways you can engage in phobic behavior. Only one of them is conscious.

Conscious, intentional, purposeful phobic behavior is a result of the person having internalized their phobia into part of their identity. They ARE phobic, they know their beliefs and agree with them wholeheartedly and don't care if you don't because they are right.

But there is a HUGE difference between phobic IDENTITY and phobic BEHAVIOR. You see, the problem with people having phobic identities and those being around and being the unfortunate norm for centuries upon centuries is that they built up institutions, ideologies, and systems

That on the outside don't SEEM phobic, don't ACKNOWLEDGE the phobic-ness of themselves, and don't outright CLAIM the phobia. They did this because they understand they're a minority in humanity, and they can't win without tricking people into behaving how they want them to.

They build systems, institutions, philosophical and social and cultural norms and paradigms in ways that can be, when fallaciously argued with bad but "good sounding" rhetoric, seems innocuous or reasonable or acceptable as an opinion or behavior to have.

For instance: "Rapists who target women exist! They hurt women and even kill them! But see...women KNOW that these people exist, and yet they still walk around in SHORT SKIRTS?? They still go places ALONE? They still wear MAKEUP?? They still are nice to strangers??"

"Why...that's just being thoughtless! If they know these dangers are out there, why don't they do everything they can to safeguard themselves from them? I'll tell you why--because they don't WANT to, because they really WANT the attention they get from rapists!"

"If they didn't, they wouldn't wear makeup trying to attract men, or short skirts to show off their bodies, because everyone knows that rapists are out there, and if you're not trying to safeguard yourself from them, you're inviting them to hurt you!"

Give me a second while I douse my entire body in bleach four times to get rid of that awful mentality I had to pretend for you to make a point. Ah, that's better. Ok, this is clearly bullshit, right? Of course it is. We know that now, a rapist is responsible for raping, period.

HOWEVER, do you know how LONG people, even YES WOMEN THEMSELVES, believed that bullshit? A long. Long. Long. Time. Why? Because when you fallaciously use rhetoric like this to excuse a rapists behavior, it makes it SEEM reasonable on the surface.

where do you THINK this mentality came from? From misogynists and rapists. Obviously. It helps them be able to rape with impunity because if you asked for it--they haven't committed a crime, right? So decades upon decades went by and still go by with MANY people believing it.

Because they believe it, rapists feel empowered to continue raping, because others out there believe that women are asking for it, despite that being utter bullshit. Friends, meet internalized, unconscious phobic behavior.

The women who believed that aren't thinking to themselves, "Yep, I totally HATE MYSELF and my own sex and that's why rapists deserve to be able to rape us if we wear short skirts!" That's fucking preposterous. But they've been conditioned to think this is reasonable.

They've been conditioned to believe that in fact, informing women of this and trying to make them conform to it is in fact HELPING women! Because of course, that's the goal, right? To get women to not be raped! They've been conditioned that this is how we can do it!

You can be completely unaware, oblivious, and blind to the behaviors you have been conditioned into believing are reasonable when in fact they are phobic, and perpetuate ---phobia. It is, in fact, the most common reason behind phobic acts in society.

So yes, even if you are queer, you can still be queerphobic. Because if you perpetuate or argue a point that, at its core, others/oppresses/restricts or strips the rights and liberties and humanity from queer people, you are perpetuating queerphobia and being queerphobic.

You do not have to consciously be thinking "I hate queer people!" when you tell them that they need to have intricate, plot driven reasons why a character is queer or it's not believable, for it to still be an argument that oppresses and others queer people.

I'm sorry you've been conditioned to think and enforce these phobic ideologies and behaviors. I really am. You didn't choose to be phobic, very likely, you were manipulated by people acting in bad faith attempting to perpetuate their own phobia by getting you to help.

You never made a conscious decision to be phobic, obviously, especially if you're a part of the minority/oppressed group you're being phobic toward. But that doesn't mean your actions aren't still perpetuating that phobia and the ability for others to continue that oppression.

This is why when people who are accused of racism saying, "By best friend/neighbor/brother/aunt/husband is black! I can't be racist!" you get probably laughed at or mocked at worst, and treated like you're still being racist at best. Because you ARE still being racist.

*My. Damn fingers. Anyway TL;DR - there is a difference between intentional phobic behavior and unconscious phobic behavior. Unconscious phobic behavior must be recognized and called out to stop allowing it to perpetuate phobic ideologies, systems, and institutions in society.