My friend is in the hospital in mental health crisis.

He made a little journey to the Alex Fraser Bridge last week, stared into the void, and when the void stared back he went to use the suicide phone to call for help.

It was broken.

Thankfully, he chose to ride away instead of taking the broken phone as a sign he should end it. He got drunk, got into some altercations, and though he isn't quite sure how, he ended up in hospital.

One of the things that bothers and mystifies me about the way we treat folks in hospital in mental health crisis is that we take away their cell phones.

I would love for someone to explain to me why, cause it seems really ass-backwards to cut people off from those who love them

He texted me about his adventure on the bridge just after it happened, we went back and forth about it, and then all coms went dark.

It was scary. It took a mutual friend calling around to hospitals to confirm he was ok.

Cutting off communications harms everyone involved.

Anyway, my friend is resourceful, so he has figured out ways to keep a thin line of digital communications going - and he is bored and sad so he asked his friends to fax him messages to the ward.

The surprise of the nurses seeing faxes come in for him is giving him a lot of joy. He is asking us to send him pictures of specific things, like cats, and Sun Ra, and folks are obliging using email-to-fax services.

It is nice that we can reach him this way. But also sad.

Why do we treat people in mental health crisis like children? My friend is struggling, yes. But cutting him off from the world isn't doing anything for his struggles. Locking him in a ward with violent homophobes (he is queer) is not supporting him.

I spent time in wards like that when I was a teen. It did nothing to help me, or anyone around me. The food is bad and the company is worse.

So many just pretend to be okay so they can leave.

You don't really get any help. You are only "safe" in the loosest sense of the word.

My friend was hit by a car earlier this year, and ended up with a brain injury. He went from posting about his anger and suffering on FB to wanting to punch people.

He has begged his doctors for help, gone to the hospital, tried everything but he is not being supported.

I lived with him in my early 20s. He is a big kind teddy bear of a person. He suffered horrific childhood abuse, but it did not make him mean or hard at all, quite the contrary.

He has always been ready to defend himself - but never proactively violent. And he doesn't want to be

It has been hard to see him get progressively worse, despite him being as proactive as possible to get help for his condition.

The week before he stared at the void on the bridge, he went to hospital for help. Instead of help he got humiliated.

Here is some of what he wrote about it... they locked him up without food or water for 11 hours, stripped of his clothes, and given only a gown that was too small.

He also wrote this: "Folks I'm feeling rough... the last place I'll go ever again is the hospital in a crisis. Next time will be the last and will probably involve a bike, a bridge, a late night, and one last attempt to fly."

I'm thankful he couldn't do it. But next time?

I know that there isn't a simple solution for people like my friend. I've been suicidal. I know how bleak and impossible it feels. But I am having a hard time understanding how making the psych ward as awful as possible helps anything at all.

I, too would probably rather actually kill myself than subject myself to the dehumanizing nonsense that passes for treatment of people in crisis.

Feeling suicidal is awful. It's worse when you're surrounded by other people in crisis and cut off from people who love you.

When people reach out for help, they should be given a safe place to recover - and that place should be a nice place, with good food, where you are treated with kindness and dignity. Your support system should be part of recovery.

That's not the kind of supports we have. At all.

It's even worse with COVID. At least normally, people could visit my friend in hospital.

But now there are no visits, and they have not adjusted their policies to allow for other kinds of connection.

I am really worried that next time my friend won't be willing to try again.

Anyway, right now - the faxes are keeping my friend in good spirits. I am hopeful that I can convince him to come stay with me for a bit when he leaves hospital.

But I think that we really need to look at our approach to people in mental health crisis and make it better.