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okay fuck it, the thread i avoid making because i hate discussing it
why is this account so #syscourse driven? why am i so forceful about it? why do i care, why do i think pluralgang is harmful?
why is this account so #syscourse driven? why am i so forceful about it? why do i care, why do i think pluralgang is harmful?
so, when i first found out i was multiple i was roped in by pluralgang wholeheartedly, it was loving and supportive. i knew i had been traumatized as a child pretty severely, but i really didn't want to believe this was a disorder i was stuck with for life. i wanted to feel like
i still had control over my body and how the world would see me, as well as my future and what i did with the time i spent on earth. it terrified me to lose autonomy, to lose consciousness, to suddenly have this stigma and weight on top of an already bad fear of the medical field
and as a result, when i found pluralgang i was sold. i read about how it's possible to form systems by accident/on purpose, or to not have them be trauma based but instead be completely friendly and healthy. some sources told me i could even wish them away or send them to another
system if i wanted (which i didn't believe and was a warning sign, but we will get to that). it was like denial and repression HEAVEN. i felt like it would be easier to start learning about the situation after that, because it suddenly wasn't so scary and "negative".
this was internalized ableism, and i know that now. it fueled my feelings that i couldn't have a whole disorder, that's not me. mine isn't that dramatic, it's not that bad. i'm not even that sad and i don't hate my life, i'm fine. endogenics? so much easier, but not safer.
while navigating the community i saw.. some bullshit. i watched a system be broken down to where they rejected a formal diagnosis of DID that had been improving in therapy, now convinced the alters were spiritual from another universe. it's easier. it hurts less.
as i did more research (because i research bio and psych fields often i knew a bit about DID long before i focused in on it for personal reasons, so naturally i would dig deeper) i began to see solid evidence conflict with what i was taught. this threw me, and BAD.
i had to stare hard evidence in the face and feel sick to my stomach because the comforting narrative i told myself to cope was impossible. now what the fuck do i do? i can curl up in pluralgang and constantly deal with the nagging awareness that this isn't right, or i can
study more and at least make an attempt to embrace it for what it is and try to get psychiatric help. that decision was torture and it was ten times harder than it ever had to be. without a misinformed, cult-like community dangling candy in front of my starving head i would have
just needed to confront the disorder - not the lies too. i wouldn't have had to unlearn unhealthy and physically impossible mentalities, i wouldn't have spent the first months of knowing my cohost treating it like a game. i would have found help sooner. i wouldn't have
repressed my trauma being related and continued dismissing it as something that wasn't really affecting me, as if it sat in the background, irrelevant. this is dangerous for any pluralgang system who doesn't realize it just like i didn't.
i recognize that some pluralgang systems are DID/OSDD. but pg is by and large endogenics, parogenics, "tulpa systems", etc. so they're umbrella'd as such. and hell, DID/OSDD systems supporting it are equally guilty because they make it even harder to believe. "well
these systems are disordered and they validate us so it has to be legit". no, it doesn't. disordered systems can be misinformed too, even when they mean well.
the sad thing about pg is that it means well deep down. the goal is to include anyone who might be struggling and to
the sad thing about pg is that it means well deep down. the goal is to include anyone who might be struggling and to
not potentially add on to their pain by judging or questioning. i have profound respect for this, but it's so naive and childish that it ends up causing a LOT of damage, inside and out of pg itself (someday soon i'll make a giant list of ways it's harmful, but that's WORK).
to touch on this: no, this is not a "well that's your experience but you can't speak for other people, i'm not like that" case. the entire point of my argument is that yes, it probably is you too, even if you don't want it to be. i sure as fuck would have fought someone if they
said this to me, but they would have been right. when you are faced with scientific logic that flat-out disproves your claims, doubling down on them proves how unhealthy the situation is. not being receptive to the possibility proves denial. LISTEN TO THESE SIGNS!
if you get angry at the idea of questioning it, if you avoid the research, if you think anything except mindless acceptance is cruel or bullying.. this is something you really really need to dig deep on and come to terms with. something isn't right.
no, i'm not your therapist. yes, i am capable of telling you that research contradicts your claims, even if that sucks because you identify with said claims personally. i'm not diagnosing you, i'm telling you that assuming your system is real (and i will), you're wrong.
when people reduce my platform to aggression, bullying, wanting to argue or general shittiness without considering where i'm coming from it really stings. can i be a dick? yes. trying to help a man on fire who sits front of you but refuses the water is torture and i
sometimes get pissed at the density of preferring the bliss of having your nerves fried off into numbness. even if it soothes the burn, you're hurting yourself worse instead of putting it out and facing the healing process. that doesn't mean i'm here to bully people for
disagreeing with me. i know most of pluralgang is not savable and i often have to block and not even try, but i can at least build an archive of attempts and information for the ones who have a chance to find on their own. idk how to end this one.. thanks for listening ig.
