It is #NationalSuicidePreventionWeek. It is also the week of my 31st birthday. Five years ago this week, on my 26th birthday, I was supposed to die. I didn’t want to die. I wanted out of my abusive marriage. But, getting out would have required asking for help and acknowledging

that I couldn’t do it alone. I had too much pride; I had reassured my friends I was happy too many times to turn around & tell them about the reality of what I was experiencing in my marriage. So I tried to get out on my own. When I couldn’t, I resorted to something unimaginable.

In the moment, ending it all seemed easier than asking for help and admitting that my marriage was a mistake. In a span of 12 hours, I went from drinking and grilling with my husband on Labor Day, to another miserable night, to lighting myself on fire.

I suffered burns to more

than 85% of my body.

And somehow — thanks to a ton of incredible medical professionals — I survived.

I survived to tell you that suicide is never the answer, no matter how impossible your situation feels.

I survived to tell you that in overcoming your most difficult moments,

you can learn so many wonderful things about yourself.

I survived to tell you that when those closest to you ask how you are, you should be honest. We have to normalize that it is OK to not be OK. In doing so, we can feel less alone. Because we all struggle at times.

I survived

to tell you that now is the best time to ask for help. I never considered suicide or had suicidal ideations. One day I was fighting with a smile on my face trying to save face. The next, I didn’t know how I could continue to save face, & it almost cost me my life.

I survived to

tell you there can be so much joy, happiness & light after the darkest moments in your life. I know this. I’ve lived it. Honestly, I wasn’t supposed to survive & experience all of this — to obtain this type of peace. I almost missed it. Please learn from me; please ask for help.