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So, some news here, which I told @MollyJongFast last night and so now it’s real: I have decided to get sober for the foreseeable future and probably for good.
Some of you may think it’s insane to do this during a pandemic, so let me explain.
Some of you may think it’s insane to do this during a pandemic, so let me explain.
I have spent my whole life using booze to numb out. Numb out abandonment by my mother, numb out sexual abuse, numb out an abusive marriage, numb out anxiety from all of it, numb out panic from Trump and a pandemic. It’s a line I can trace back to at least 19.
I have kids though.
I have kids though.
They’re little but, like their mother, little empaths who feel it all. They see me.
And I am tired of numbing out. I’m tired of shame. I have always been here for big things and I’ve known it since I was like six fucking years old.
And I am tired of numbing out. I’m tired of shame. I have always been here for big things and I’ve known it since I was like six fucking years old.
Whatever is coming next for me is not at the bottom of a bottle of wine or six margaritas, even if I don’t drink in the morning, and I don’t drink every night, and I quit for big windows of time.
It’s just become enough.
It’s just become enough.
To be honest, it’s probably been enough for a while— at least since I left my ex four years ago today.
I’m not at AA girl and I don’t fit the standard definitions for alcoholism, but I have just hit a limit beyond which I am not willing to go any longer.
I’m not at AA girl and I don’t fit the standard definitions for alcoholism, but I have just hit a limit beyond which I am not willing to go any longer.
I’ve joined a rad little community of sober folks— which I’m not going to publicize for now because it’s anonymous— where I am finding support and kindness on the journey.
I’ve officially committed to 100 days sober but that’s to trick my brain out of knowing that it’s for good.
I’ve officially committed to 100 days sober but that’s to trick my brain out of knowing that it’s for good.
This is a hell of a choice for an empath, let alone at this moment in time, because I am choosing to feel it ALL.
But as my dad said when I told him, this is an act of love for my children and for myself.
It is a call to something higher and bigger that needs me now.
But as my dad said when I told him, this is an act of love for my children and for myself.
It is a call to something higher and bigger that needs me now.
Day 3 today. My children are amazing, by the way.
I’m on the way.
And FWIW— absent @MollyJongFast and @travisakers and @andylassner and so many other sober folks who I’ve met over the last few years here, I wouldn’t know that I could do it and STILL NOT LOSE MY SHINE.
I’m on the way.
And FWIW— absent @MollyJongFast and @travisakers and @andylassner and so many other sober folks who I’ve met over the last few years here, I wouldn’t know that I could do it and STILL NOT LOSE MY SHINE.
So, onward. I feel like a badass today.
We can do ANYTHING we set our minds to.
That’s a good lesson for these times.
Love you all.
We can do ANYTHING we set our minds to.
That’s a good lesson for these times.
Love you all.
