UK: Where in Canada's deal does it talk about a level playing field, or state aid?

EU: Where in Canada's deal does it talk about fishing rights, or haulage and cabotage, or financial equivalence?

UK: That's not fair!

EU: What?

UK: Resorting to logic. There's no call for that!

EU: Ok, you can have a plain copy of Canada's deal.

UK: And fish?

EU: What do you mean, and fish? You said you wanted what Canada has.

UK: Ah. What we meant was we want what Canada has PLUS some extra stuff because, well, we're British, you know.

EU: How could we ever forget?

UK: So, do you think we could reach a deal?

EU: What are you offering us in return?

UK: What do you mean?

EU: Look, you want more than Canada got. Ok, fair enough - so how will *you* sweeten the arrangement?

UK: Um. Er. We just want it. Because we think we ought to get it.

EU: Looks like there's not going to be a deal then.

UK: No deal? How can that be? We have explained very slowly and LOUDLY everything we want.

EU: There's more to deal-making than listing demands.

UK: Not if you're British, there's not.

EU: But *we* aren't.

UK: Ah. Hmm. Er.

EU: Look, you can always come back and have another chat next year, after the transition period ends.

UK: But what do we do?

EU: Do?

UK: We've left the EU. Now we've got nothing. If we don't get a deal...

EU: You'll still have nothing. The status quo can be harsh, can't it?

UK: But...

EU: Yes?

UK: But...

EU: Spit it out!

UK: If we end up with nothing then people might realise.

EU: Realise what?

UK: There's nothing behind the Brexit curtain.

EU: I don't follow.

UK: The Wizard of Oz.

EU: Ah. We can see how that could be a problem for you.

UK: Does that mean you *will* do a deal?

EU: Sure. Here's a copy of Canada's one. A quick search-and-replace, and we're all set.

UK: But the fish... the hauliers... the City?

EU: We'd better get a fresh pot of coffee going. And some sandwiches. This clearly could take awhile.