Thread: Some thoughts on how support someone who is grieving. Expect grieving to take time. They are probably not going to be over it two weeks after the death. It may take months or even years. It is not a quick process.

I had a friend wonder what was wrong with me two weeks after my grandma died. Do not be shocked if they are still in pain even if it's been long enough by your standards.

Worse, do not forget. Every time you forget why your loved one is struggling is another time they have to relive explaining it to you. Don't be that person. Don't make them relive that explanation because you're being thoughtless about the deep pain they are living through.

Think twice about asking them how they are. That's an impossible question to answer and you probably don't want to hear the answer anyway. Instead maybe ask how they are doing that day.

Every day is different. Some days are better than others, but it is much, much easier to answer the day is going than to explain where you are in the grand scheme of the excruciating process of grief. So maybe ask them how they are doing that day instead.

Again, grief takes time. Long after you've forgotten about the death, your loved one is still in pain. Three months down the road is still pretty near the beginning. People's memories are short and people stop asking about it.

That's the loneliest time. You're still deep in the grief but you've lost the support you had at first. People are generally pretty good near the beginning but then you're left on your own to cope without people expressing their concern for you just mere months into the process.

Check in in with your loved one as the months go by. Grief is deeply isolating and lonely. You don't want that person to suffer the hardest of human experiences more alone than they need to be. And don't forget birthdays and anniversaries.

Everyone is different, of course, but these are some things I've experienced repeatedly over the years when I've lost someone I loved.