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My neurodivergency is a disability for me. It significantly impairs my everyday life and my ability to take care of myself and my family. It definitely provides some benefits for me. It has helped me to do novel research and propose out-of-the-box ideas to solve problems.
It has helped me to teach students. It has helped me to write academic papers and get them published. But it has also hindered me and disabled me. I am responsible for maintaining a household, caring for a dog, and caring for a toddler (my child).
I have a partner, but the majority of the household chores, yardwork, bills, finances, and childcare falls on me. I struggle with all of these things. My partner does phone calls, shopping, and cooking (things I would struggle even more with).
It is challenging when you're primary caretaker of a child to have time to do laundry and wash dishes and cook meals, and when I do have time it's a struggle to fight against my brain to stay focused and motivated on "boring" activities that I dislike.
It is stressful and overwhelming to chase around a toddler who is loud and constantly making a mess of things. I struggle to keep my attention on them and not have it drift away to other things. I struggle with the sound when they tantrum, or when the dog starts barking.
My house is a mess. I have trouble finding things. I struggle to get my teeth brushed once a day and myself showered at least once every other day. I have no close friends outside my home since I don't have the time or freedom to go out and meet people.
The stress builds up day after day until it all comes out and I break down, and then I pick myself up and keep fighting. It isn't physical pain (except the sensory processing stuff), but it is still a struggle and it is still disabling. I cannot function like a normal adult.
I am happy that so many ND people can function without significant support. I can generate my own supports, but it is taxing and tiring and I still need frequent help just to complete basic life functions. All I want to do is lie down on the ground and close my eyes and cry.
Keeping a toddler and spouse (and myself) fed and clothed is not an issue of being ND living in a NT world. I deal with some of that at work, but even in an "ideal" ND-run would I would still struggle to complete these tasks. Therefore, I consider myself to be disabled.
People joke about these "disorders", but it's about more than just losing youhr keys. It's about eating 3 meals a day. It's about getting sleep. It's about completing basic hygiene. It's about "performing" well enough on a job so that you can have enough money to keep doing it.
And I consider myself lucky in that I have a job and haven't lost it yet. Many people who struggle with these conditions have difficulty finding or keeping jobs. I live my life and I love my life. I don't want to give it up.
I am all for pride, but there must also be recognition of how disabling some of these conditions can be and that they can affect your ability to function in everyday life without support.
The disability community and other marginalized communities are our allies in the fight for improved accessibility. We should support them and raise them and fight for them as we fight for ourselves.
