Whew. I think I’m finally catching up on all my work. I no longer feel like I’m drowning now. We luv new, effective anti depressants!

I’m currently on Wellbutrin now and I’ve been taking it for 3 days now and my GOODNESS. I feel like a fully functioning adult??? I wake up in a good mood? I don’t experience burnout anymore or feel like I’m drowning in work? This is amazing in just 3 days.

I recently spoke with a family member of mine about medication. Specifically, those with MIs staying on medication for life. I feel like there’s such a push to get off your meds at some point. And why? Nobody pushes me to stop using my asthma medication. Why anti depressants?

I’m perfectly comfortable with having to take my asthma medication for the rest of my life if that means my quality of life will be great. So why are we so scared to stay on anti depressants forever? I’m at a point where I’ll literally do anything to feel completely comfortable.

Whatever will make my quality of life the absolute best that it can be, so that I can consistently show up as my best self for me and others, I’ll do it. If that means being on anti-depressants and going to therapy forever? Sign me UP.

There’s such a fear in being stigmatized as *REALLY* mentally ill if you remain on medication for life. Not only does it encourage people who *need* medication to get off of it after a few months of feeling “ok” but it also pushes that being mentally ill is a problem. It’s not.

I used to take my anti depressants for 6 months then stop because that’s the “average” time that most people stay on them. Well, their brain is different than mine. I got genetic testing to find out exactly what hormone is off in my body so my medication is more accurate now.

And since my depression is biological and not situational, that means that unless something naturally changes in my body to make my hormones be normal, I’m going to have depression forever. And so I’m going to take medication forever since that’s when I’m at my best. That’s okay.

My therapist also told me that not wanting to take medication for life while knowing that I have a chronic condition and knowing that medication is what treats it, is actually self harm. Anything that you *consciously* do that reduces your quality of life is self harm.

Even things like choosing not to take medication when I have a migraine is self harm, considering I have access to the medication and I’m making a conscious choice to continue sitting in physical discomfort/pain. That’s self harm.

But also, depression diminishes your will to live a comfortable life so much. At some point I didn’t even care about being in pain physically with headaches or wheezing or anything. I simply lacked the motivation to continue taking care of my health.

Now that I’m on this new anti depressant, I’ve scheduled the drs appointments that I’ve been postponing since.....2018? I’ve made sure all my medications are filled and gone to pick up necessary refills. Like. I’m actually doing everything in my power to stay alive and well rn.

I couldn’t keep doing crashing lows and extreme highs during manic periods. It was significantly affecting my life. I have bipolar depression btw. So my lows were LOW and my highs?! I literally felt like I could do *anything* and I never needed rest. It was too much.