Victim blaming is less about the victim and more about one's need to reassure themselves that they can't be victims too. For some, it's scary to admit that abusers target all types of people & there's no guidebook to avoid being abused yourself.

it's also really easy to say what a victim should've done in the moment or to hypothesize what you would've done bc you already know the outcome of the situation. people can't see the future when they're in the midst of a traumatic situation, plus trauma/abuse can warp perception

what's worse, when you victim blame, you effectively tell the people in your life who've also been victims of abuse/trauma that they shouldn't come forward. you're perpetuating a cycle of silence. it's not just about the person you're projecting blame onto, it trickles down

"what you should've done..." is blame even under the guise of "advice" it doesn't actually help bc the victim can't go back in time. even if they could, abusers are crafty as fuck and they'll always find a way. if you really want to help, LISTEN & ask how you can best support.

it's also SO HARD to come fwd as a survivor of abuse. as important as it is, it's full of downsides. beyond low chances of justice you risk being ostracized, blamed, hurting your career & being pigeon holed as the person who was abused. like. who would WILLINGLY sign up for that?

and in the event you DO seek justice, you risk having intimate details of your abuse repeatedly shared with the world for everyone to scrutinize. including people you love and trust. for many seeking justice completely impedes the healing process bc you have to relive your trauma

ps. we did an episode of #MTVDecoded a few years ago about victim blaming https://bit.ly/3aJQCKM