Read on Twitter
The best apology is always changed behavior, and lasting commitment to never repeating harmful behavior.
Move through this world causing as little harm as possible, and not just to the âimportant peopleâ but to the folks who donât blip on your radar.
Be respectful to everyone.
Move through this world causing as little harm as possible, and not just to the âimportant peopleâ but to the folks who donât blip on your radar.
Be respectful to everyone.
One apology which follows a repeated pattern of gross behavior met with apologies is not enough. The best apology is never ever ever doing intentional harm to anyone again. Itâs exploring the reasons why we instinctively choose to hurt or why we are perceived as a harmful person.
One apology about one person does not negate the many loud voices who also have been harmed over the years by a prominent member of a community. More than one person has been hurt in the last few years. Iâm ânewâ here but this pattern isnât new to me, nor is hurt for my friends.
Accountability is key. An apology can not be the reason anyone walks away right now. Pushing for continued changes behavior WITH the apomogy is the best thing anyone can do. What we want FIRST is the apology and SECOND some soul searching. THIRD, a demonstration of real change.
Therapy is an excellent tool for beginning the journey of understanding our own actions. Therapy with honest, truthful, face forward communication to the therapist about how we really behave is the key. Not the face-saving stuff we put up to the world, but the real us.
Therapy can provide healing as we speak the words aloud and hear how harmful the language can be. Therapy can help us isolate what we need to stop assuming is âother peopleâ and what is the parts of our self being reflected back that we fear most or need to work on the most.
Changed behavior comes from a daily commitment to make several smaller acts during the daily routine instead of 1 BIG GRAND GESTURE of remorse. Changed behavior starts with the little stuff and adds up to monumentally good, healthy habits. Changed behavior isnât overnight growth.
Sitting with the discomfort for an indeterminate amount of time, finding out why we are uncomfortable, learning how to best avoid placing ourselves there is needed. Slapping a bandaids on a gaping wound doesnât work. Sitches hurt
and the healing process itches but slow is best.
and the healing process itches but slow is best.
Stitching together the gash weâve torn apart because of our lashing out, personal vendettas or insecurities and panic is a slow and painful process, but itâs normal and healthy and necessary. Sometimes we canât heal in a way that doesnât leave scars. Sometimes itâs irreparable.
Sometimes we have to keep working hard even when people donât forgive us. They may forgive later. They may not ever. We are not OWED forgiveness and communication. We earn that gift if someone decides we have done enough work. We must still make the changes for ourselves though.
If we try to change to please others, itâs hardly ever lasting change. Why? Because without the fuel of attention, validation, and praise, it doesnât feel whole or right. And it slips into anger and resentment, and soon after we revert to our old ways once again. Not cool.
Change on the inner personal level needs to be a lifelong commitment and constant journey of bettering ourselves. It happens every minute of every day. Mistakes and missteps will happen, and perfection is not reasonable. But having unending determination to be better is.
