I am absolutely obsessed with formulaic movies about dance / singing competitions and am ready to write the mental math version.

The heroine’s single father can’t afford Amherst unless she gets a scholarship, but the only one left is for winning mental math championship. Qualifying rounds are in... ONLY TWO WEEKS.

Best friend says obligatory “You are the Last Person On the Planet who can do mental math competitively” Heroine is shown fumbling adorkably in basic maths to underscore this point. The reigning math goddess and her math clique sneer at her.

There is only one path forward and that is to get the cute genius next door to tutor her in math. Too bad they are also mortal enemies so the answer is no.

A long scene of despair ensues. She’ll never go to Amherst now.

In a surprising twist, the father of the next door neighbor compels him to tutor her, reminding him of some kindness of the girl’s now deceased mother.

The first session goes poorly. Then he says, “Hey, let’s try something different” and gets her to feel the numbers rather than over think it, which somehow means their faces have to be really close and she gives him a startled look...

... as if suddenly realizing hey, this is the scene where we get to drop the forced hostility. Now we get the math learning montage! Lots of pouring over books, writing on a chalk board, and reciting times tables. She’s visibly exhausted. Finally he says...

YOU’RE READY. They walk home in celebration and she asks why he’s always been an asshole and he reveals his inner agony. Her mother may have died, but his chose to walk out on him. They embrace.

Qualifying rounds are intense. On the way in, her father asks why all her grades are slipping except math and her sports clubs... called to ask where she’s been (that makes sense, right?). She runs out, knowing her father - a serious jock - will never approve.

Once she makes it to the competition she stands in back agape as math rock stars take to the stage one after another with blazing displays of math virtuosity.

She finally goes up and is definitely not as bad as at the beginning but looks a total amateur and her homemade math outfit sets her apart. The audience titters. She narrowly misses qualifying for the next round.

A long scene of despair ensues. She’ll never go to Amherst now.

Boy next door comforts her and she grapples with the question of why Amherst was even so important to her, and she realizes it was all about filling the gap her mother left. That revelation done with, the phone rings with good news!

One of the competitors in qualifiers was actually a 35 year old MIT grad! Once he is disqualified, she is moved up one slot which means... SHE GOES ON TO FINALS!

They step it up now and bring in math scholars of all backgrounds to cross train her. She incidentally reveals her Achilles’ heel: factorials. We get another training montage and she is clearly starting to look like a math boss.

The night before the competition, she’s in bed reciting pi and there’s a knock on the door... her father comes in and tells her he knows what she’s up to, and is proud of her anyway. He pulls out from behind his back a professionally sewn math uniform. She’s speechless. They hug.

The morning of the competition is bright and sunny and the voiceover of the event emcee establishes this is the finals we’ve all been waiting for. Our heroine has two obstacles to overcome, however...

First, the vindictive MIT grad spikes her tea with laxative. She is trapped in the bathroom. Despair descends as the minutes tick by. She has 60 seconds to get on stage...45... She’ll never to Amherst now...

Out of the blue, the math goddess - who mocked our heroine at the outset - appears with Imodium and a glass of water and ushers her on stage. They exchange a moment of mutual respect.

She’s onstage! She whips through round after round. The Eastern European judges crack a smile. She’s in the top three. Her last question... oh f*ck... a factorial. Things go into slo-mo.

She’s sweating profusely. The camera pans over the grim faces of her math coaches, the math goddess (who is on stage with her but clearly pulling for her now that they have RESPECT), her athletic father...

... and finally lands on math boy next door, who takes off his glasses, achieves peak nerd cuteness, and mouths “Feel - the - numbers.” She pulls herself together, nods, takes a deep breath and smiles at the judges. She gives her answer.

{ok really sorry but I gotta pause to watch Joe Biden}