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I been talking w/friends abt colorism's effect on friendship, not just intimate partnerships or desirability.
BE HONEST: Lightskin folks, how many dark-skinned friends you got? Deep-skinned folks, how many light-skinned friends do you have? Reply below. I'm tryna see sumn.
BE HONEST: Lightskin folks, how many dark-skinned friends you got? Deep-skinned folks, how many light-skinned friends do you have? Reply below. I'm tryna see sumn.
So often I try to create meaningful friendships with light skinned people, but find that the kinship depends on my centering of their feelings, fragility, and desirability. Light skinned people in the past have been less likely to defend me in instances of harm, or pour into me.
I legit have 5 or 6 people in my life that are light skinned who I’d call friend. When I was younger, up until high school, I was often the sole deep skinned person. I also did a TON of care taking and mammying. Even as a pre-teen y’all.
Colorism doesn’t just dictate who is viewed as desirable, who gets married and who gets booked to lead in movies.
It also affects who is doing the labor in your friendships, who is held tenderly, who is granted relational care, who is seen as soft and who’s seen as “strong”.
It also affects who is doing the labor in your friendships, who is held tenderly, who is granted relational care, who is seen as soft and who’s seen as “strong”.
All of my relationships w/LS ppl survive bc my friends are doing their work and don’t wait for an incident of harm to reveal where their learning edges (psa: stop saying “bl*nd spots) are. They’re actively unlearning and don’t make me carry shit.
I had an instance of harm w/my partner, who is yella. Def harm done at the intersection of fatphobia and colorism. Another thread for another day.
One of my best friends wanted to show up for me, but I had to tell her she couldn’t. Why? She’s thin + light skinned.
One of my best friends wanted to show up for me, but I had to tell her she couldn’t. Why? She’s thin + light skinned.
Most of the LS friends I used to keep, i couldn’t have dared say this directly to them. Bc then it would’ve been all about my “audacity” to name my privilege and the way implicit bid creates implicit harm.
This is not a singular experience. Many deep skinned folx deal with this.
This is not a singular experience. Many deep skinned folx deal with this.
It’s so interesting to me when LS people have wedding pictures and their wedding party is straight beige.
Like, of all the Black hues in the world, you just happened to only have friends that you can share foundation/concealer with? No. How does this happen w/such consistency?
Like, of all the Black hues in the world, you just happened to only have friends that you can share foundation/concealer with? No. How does this happen w/such consistency?
More importantly, what harm is being navigated by folks w/ out LS privilege, in friendships with folks who have it?
Do LS folks think about this conciously when making friendships? I know for sure that deeper complected folks do, because we must.
Do LS folks think about this conciously when making friendships? I know for sure that deeper complected folks do, because we must.
Just thinking. Just waiting for LS folks to navigate intimacy with intention no matter what the relationship is. To show up for us + humanize our needs.
Waiting for DS people to demand equity in care and tenderness.
Waiting for all this shit to be front of mind for all of us.
Waiting for DS people to demand equity in care and tenderness.
Waiting for all this shit to be front of mind for all of us.
