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This fall semester promises to be very challenging, so here's a thread of 25 cocktail recipes for academics in times of Covid-19.
Cheers!
Cheers!
1. The Cogito Ergo Zoom
6 cl bourbon, 3 cl tart cherry juice, simple syrup, cherry bitters.
Stir, serve with lemon zest.
6 cl bourbon, 3 cl tart cherry juice, simple syrup, cherry bitters.
Stir, serve with lemon zest.
2. The Remote Instructor
6 cl gin, 2 cl fresh orange juice, 2 cl pure (tart) cranberry juice, a splash of grenadine. Stir, add lemon zest.
Enjoy *after* your zoom lecture.
6 cl gin, 2 cl fresh orange juice, 2 cl pure (tart) cranberry juice, a splash of grenadine. Stir, add lemon zest.
Enjoy *after* your zoom lecture.
3. The Virtual Faculty Meeting
6 cl rye, 3 cl pomegranate juice, orange bitters. Stir, serve with orange zest.
Have (at least) one *prior* to the meeting.
6 cl rye, 3 cl pomegranate juice, orange bitters. Stir, serve with orange zest.
Have (at least) one *prior* to the meeting.
4. The Inevitable Campus Shutdown
5 cl vodka, 2 cl fresh lemon juice, 2 cl fresh orange juice, grenadine. Stir, serve with lemon zest.
5 cl vodka, 2 cl fresh lemon juice, 2 cl fresh orange juice, grenadine. Stir, serve with lemon zest.
5. The Canceled Conference
6 cl gin, 3 cl pomegranate juice, 2 cl lemon juice, splash of simple syrup, cherry bitters. Stir, serve with lemon zest.
Enjoy after you’ve finally gotten hold of an airline rep to rebook your flight.
6 cl gin, 3 cl pomegranate juice, 2 cl lemon juice, splash of simple syrup, cherry bitters. Stir, serve with lemon zest.
Enjoy after you’ve finally gotten hold of an airline rep to rebook your flight.
6. The Inaccessible Archive
6 cl gin, 2 cl green chartreuse, 3 cl fresh orange juice.
Stir, serve with orange zest.
Yes, Chartreuse is a bit pricey, but you’ll be saving a lot of money by not going to the archives.
6 cl gin, 2 cl green chartreuse, 3 cl fresh orange juice.
Stir, serve with orange zest.
Yes, Chartreuse is a bit pricey, but you’ll be saving a lot of money by not going to the archives.
7. The Extended Tenure Clock
6 cl bourbon, 3 cl pomegranate juice, 2 cl lemon juice, simple syrup.
Stir, serve with lemon zest, and enjoy this rare instance of administrative sanity.
6 cl bourbon, 3 cl pomegranate juice, 2 cl lemon juice, simple syrup.
Stir, serve with lemon zest, and enjoy this rare instance of administrative sanity.
8. The 8 AM Zoom Meeting
6 cl vodka, 4 cl espresso, simple syrup, orange bitters.
Stir, serve with orange zest, and enjoy after you have muted your microphone.
6 cl vodka, 4 cl espresso, simple syrup, orange bitters.
Stir, serve with orange zest, and enjoy after you have muted your microphone.
9. The Increased Teaching Load
6 cl tequila, 2 cl pure (tart) cranberry juice, 2 cl lemon juice, splashes of grenadine and simple syrup.
Stir, serve with lemon zest.
Enjoy with a heavy dose of gallows humor.
6 cl tequila, 2 cl pure (tart) cranberry juice, 2 cl lemon juice, splashes of grenadine and simple syrup.
Stir, serve with lemon zest.
Enjoy with a heavy dose of gallows humor.
10. The Provost’s Pandemic Priority
Faculty: 8 cl tap water, 3 cl cranberry juice, 1 cl lemon juice, simple syrup, cherry bitters.
@ass_deans and Deans: replace tap water with gin
Ass. Provosts and Provost: replace gin with champagne.
Either way: stir, serve with lemon zest.
Faculty: 8 cl tap water, 3 cl cranberry juice, 1 cl lemon juice, simple syrup, cherry bitters.
@ass_deans and Deans: replace tap water with gin
Ass. Provosts and Provost: replace gin with champagne.
Either way: stir, serve with lemon zest.
11. The Self-Isolation Productivity Angst
6 cl bourbon, 3 cl fresh orange juice, orange bitters, grenadine.
Stir, serve with orange zest.
Enjoy, and cut yourself some slack.
6 cl bourbon, 3 cl fresh orange juice, orange bitters, grenadine.
Stir, serve with orange zest.
Enjoy, and cut yourself some slack.
12. The Quarantine Fifteen
6 cl vodka, 3 cl pomegranate juice, 2 cl lemon juice, grenadine, cherry bitters.
Stir, serve with orange zest.
Enjoy, and forget about the weight gain.
6 cl vodka, 3 cl pomegranate juice, 2 cl lemon juice, grenadine, cherry bitters.
Stir, serve with orange zest.
Enjoy, and forget about the weight gain.
13. The Pass/Fail Option
6 cl vodka, 3 cl fresh orange juice, 3 cl tart cherry juice, simple syrup, orange bitters.
Stir, serve with orange zest.
And since it’s pass/fail now, enjoy while grading.
6 cl vodka, 3 cl fresh orange juice, 3 cl tart cherry juice, simple syrup, orange bitters.
Stir, serve with orange zest.
And since it’s pass/fail now, enjoy while grading.
14. The University President’s Platitude
6 cl gin, 3 cl fresh orange juice, 2 cl pomegranate juice, grenadine, orange bitters.
Stir, serve with orange zest.
Enjoy and know how much I appreciate your commitment to our university’s mission in these trying times.
6 cl gin, 3 cl fresh orange juice, 2 cl pomegranate juice, grenadine, orange bitters.
Stir, serve with orange zest.
Enjoy and know how much I appreciate your commitment to our university’s mission in these trying times.
15. The Forgotten Faculty Senate
6 cl gin, 3 cl grape juice, 2 cl fresh lime juice, 1 cl dry white vermouth, simple syrup.
Stir, serve with lemon zest.
Enjoy, and grieve the fact that faculty governance will be even less respected in the coming years.
6 cl gin, 3 cl grape juice, 2 cl fresh lime juice, 1 cl dry white vermouth, simple syrup.
Stir, serve with lemon zest.
Enjoy, and grieve the fact that faculty governance will be even less respected in the coming years.
16. The Desolate Department Chair
6 cl vodka, 3 cl tart cherry juice, 2 cl lemon juice, simple syrup, cherry bitters.
Stir, serve with lemon zest.
Enjoy, and empathize with your colleague whose job is even less enviable while remote.
6 cl vodka, 3 cl tart cherry juice, 2 cl lemon juice, simple syrup, cherry bitters.
Stir, serve with lemon zest.
Enjoy, and empathize with your colleague whose job is even less enviable while remote.
17. The Canceled Commencement
6 cl tequila, 3 cl pomegranate juice, 3 cl fresh lime juice, simple syrup.
Stir, serve with a lime wedge.
Enjoy, and rejoice that you will be spared yet another speech by your institution’s Chancellor/President.
6 cl tequila, 3 cl pomegranate juice, 3 cl fresh lime juice, simple syrup.
Stir, serve with a lime wedge.
Enjoy, and rejoice that you will be spared yet another speech by your institution’s Chancellor/President.
18. The Provost’s Punch
6 cl brown rum, 3 cl fresh orange juice, 2 cl lemon juice, 2 cl tart cherry juice, simple syrup, orange bitters.
Stir, serve with orange zest.
Enjoy, and then, if you’re TT or tenured faculty, do all you can to support your contingent colleagues
6 cl brown rum, 3 cl fresh orange juice, 2 cl lemon juice, 2 cl tart cherry juice, simple syrup, orange bitters.
Stir, serve with orange zest.
Enjoy, and then, if you’re TT or tenured faculty, do all you can to support your contingent colleagues
19. The Bored of Trustees
6 cl white rum, 3 cl cranberry juice, 3 cl lime juice, grenadine.
Stir, serve with lime wedge.
Enjoy, and get ready to explain the value of the humanities to a guy with an MBA.
6 cl white rum, 3 cl cranberry juice, 3 cl lime juice, grenadine.
Stir, serve with lime wedge.
Enjoy, and get ready to explain the value of the humanities to a guy with an MBA.
20. The Inviolable Endowment
6 cl vodka, 3 cl fresh orange juice, 2 cl lemon juice, simple syrup, chartreuse.
Stir, serve with orange zest.
Enjoy, and understand that we have a “moral responsibility” to our endowment.
6 cl vodka, 3 cl fresh orange juice, 2 cl lemon juice, simple syrup, chartreuse.
Stir, serve with orange zest.
Enjoy, and understand that we have a “moral responsibility” to our endowment.
21. The Presidential Pay Cut
“In these trying times,” 5 cl instead of 6 cl brown rum, 3 cl grape juice, 2 cl fresh lemon juice, grenadine.
Stir, serve with lemon wedge.
Enjoy, but don’t get your hopes up.
“In these trying times,” 5 cl instead of 6 cl brown rum, 3 cl grape juice, 2 cl fresh lemon juice, grenadine.
Stir, serve with lemon wedge.
Enjoy, but don’t get your hopes up.
22. The Zoom, Doom & Gloom
6 cl gin, 3 cl dry white vermouth, 3 cl fresh orange juice, orange bitters.
Stir, serve with orange zest.
Enjoy, and get ready for the next meeting.
6 cl gin, 3 cl dry white vermouth, 3 cl fresh orange juice, orange bitters.
Stir, serve with orange zest.
Enjoy, and get ready for the next meeting.
23. The Furloughed Football Coach
6 cl vodka, 4 cl grape juice, 2 cl lemon juice, simple syrup.
Stir, serve with lemon wedge.
Enjoy, but don’t kid yourself: this drink does not exist (he is an essential worker).
6 cl vodka, 4 cl grape juice, 2 cl lemon juice, simple syrup.
Stir, serve with lemon wedge.
Enjoy, but don’t kid yourself: this drink does not exist (he is an essential worker).
24. The Two-Faced Town Hall
6 cl white rum, 3 cl fresh orange juice, 3 cl tart cherry juice, simple syrup, orange bitters.
Enjoy, and know how much we appreciate your dedication to the mission of our university, until your contract expires.
6 cl white rum, 3 cl fresh orange juice, 3 cl tart cherry juice, simple syrup, orange bitters.
Enjoy, and know how much we appreciate your dedication to the mission of our university, until your contract expires.
25. The Social Distancer
5 cl bourbon, 2 cl pure (tart) cranberry juice, 1 cl grenadine. Stir, serve with orange zest.
Enjoy alone
5 cl bourbon, 2 cl pure (tart) cranberry juice, 1 cl grenadine. Stir, serve with orange zest.
Enjoy alone
