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Hi everyone do you want to know what it's actually like to be triggered? Because unfortunately I do know what it's like and I can tell you about it!!
When I am triggered by something--and it can be super innocuous things, like a type of car or certain smells--
When I am triggered by something--and it can be super innocuous things, like a type of car or certain smells--
I have two main reactions.
One is panic: and not just your garden variety type of panic! No, this is "there is something immensely heavy sitting on my chest and everything is going grey at the edges and I can't hear or breathe and I will probably faint" type of panic
One is panic: and not just your garden variety type of panic! No, this is "there is something immensely heavy sitting on my chest and everything is going grey at the edges and I can't hear or breathe and I will probably faint" type of panic
I am thrown into a panic where the whole universe shrinks down to an infinitesimal point and I am trapped at the center, pinned to a moment that exists outside of normal rational things like time and space. I am unable to move or think or speak.
This sounds awful!! And it is!! But you know what? In a way I almost prefer it to the second way I react when triggered.
Because if I don't panic, I disassociate
Because if I don't panic, I disassociate
Imagine you're walking along, minding your own business, when from out of nowhere something just literally knocks your personality, your sense of self, your whole being directly out of your physical body and it just, dissipates into the ether
Or imagine, as a defense mechanism, the rational part of your brain curls up like an armadillo and all you're left with is a sort of physical presence that walks and blinks and breathes but you aren't there. You're somewhere hidden, somewhere deep, and you just...go on autopilot
And this IS a defense mechanism. Your brain is shot back into the Bad Moment, the Trauma Time and its main response is to nope its way out of there, sheltering itself from the fear/stress/extreme emotional response.
Dissociating is terrifying
Dissociating is terrifying
To outsiders you may appear calm and composed but it's not you. It's your lizard brain, the old instincts kicking into gear because the personality & all that complex stuff has gone into the bomb shelter and locked the door
Imagine that happening because you hear a song, or see a Toyota Corolla, or smell a brand of cologne/perfume, or hear a name, or get touched in a certain way. Imagine knowing there's really no way to stop encountering these things, that they're always going to be there
Imagine working every moment of your life to be able to exist without that fear, knowing you probably won't completely succeed, knowing it's going to be a process that will never end.
Now imagine the word that describes these reactions is used to make fun of the president
Now imagine the word that describes these reactions is used to make fun of the president
You expect it from your m@g@-hat wearing relatives. You don't bother with them anymore.
But people who are supposed to be on your side? People who claim their political philosophy is one of compassion? Of acceptance? Of care?
But people who are supposed to be on your side? People who claim their political philosophy is one of compassion? Of acceptance? Of care?
They're the ones that keep using it, that keep laughing about it, that keep telling those of us who ask them not to we should "lighten up," that "it's not that big a deal," that "they're making fun of Trump"
Ok cool but Trump's not the one hurt by you using the word
Ok cool but Trump's not the one hurt by you using the word
Trump's not reading your tweets.
I am. People like me, who suffer from PTSD/C-PTSD. People who will never trust you to take us seriously, who will never feel safe around you, who will never see you as an ally but rather an aggressor and an insidious one at that
I am. People like me, who suffer from PTSD/C-PTSD. People who will never trust you to take us seriously, who will never feel safe around you, who will never see you as an ally but rather an aggressor and an insidious one at that
So I mean I doubt this'll change anyone's mind. You've been doing it for almost four years, you're not gonna stop now. But just know every time you use that word, you're making it harder for people like me to exist in a world that's already been rendered terribly unsafe
A few notes
-combat veterans are not the only ones who get PTSD/C-PTSD
-everyone w/PTSD/C-PTSD experiences their symptoms differently. I can only speak for myself when I describe what being triggered feels like
-combat veterans are not the only ones who get PTSD/C-PTSD
-everyone w/PTSD/C-PTSD experiences their symptoms differently. I can only speak for myself when I describe what being triggered feels like
Also if you appreciate my words, please please consider helping me rescue cats. I have to take a litter of six kittens to the vet tonight which is not cheap!! Every little bit helps https://twitter.com/ellle_em/status/1285705136514490370?s=20
