A note about pandemic solidarity in the workforce. I was appalled at the comments out of a university meeting, where non-carers asked when they too would get 'their paid time off'. But I was also troubled by the response from those with caring responsibilities. We need to talk.

I do not have caring responsibilities. That is not by choice. It is a source of latent grief at the best of times. The notion that non-carers are heartless careerists with no understanding of conflicting responsibilities itself lacks empathy, and is usually wrong.

Needless to say, a pandemic is not the best of times. The impact on working carers is relentless. Just quietly, the loneliness and dread that come with facing it alone are relentless too. I'd swap this 'alone time' for the ceaseless demands that come with facing it with a family.

And yes I do mean it, I would. But I can't. So I'm doing everything I can to take initiative and support others, without stepping on toes or papering over systemic issues that need to be remedied higher up. It's not as much as it c/should be - this stress reduces my capacity too.

But it has felt that non-carers are damned if we do (opportunist! I've heard this said about non-carers picking up extra work), and damned if we don't (lazy! no responsibilities, why aren't we doing more). At times it feels as if we're held liable for the system failing carers.

So yes. I agree that shouting 'where's OUR paid time off' is nasty, crass and foolish. We're all working in a system during an acute crisis. And the effects of that crisis are unevenly distributed. I won't deny that. Those effects aren't all comparable. I won't deny that either.

But workers without caring responsibilities are not the cause of the problem. Many have made agonising choices BECAUSE they can't reconcile those demands, which is unfair as heck. We're not all having a chill time making cocktails, stroking cats and planning workplace domination.

We're in a pandemic too, and many of us are reckoning with it alone. The effects on non-carers are different, yes. But just because they're different doesn't mean they're kinder. These kind of divisions, in either direction, do absolutely nothing to advance workplace solidarity.

Bottom line is: I think we can all do better by each other than that sorry episode would indicate. We need a system that supports every worker's need for family and community bonds, in whatever shape those bonds may come. Solidarity with all y'all, carers and non-carers alike.

PS: as Twitter is the mother of all misunderstandings, I add that this episode occurred at a university that many close colleagues and friends work for, not at mine; but the issue is obviously not confined to one institution or one sector. One hopes it is confined to one planet.