I have been pretending to cite various sociological reasons for my belief that Biden will beat Trump for a while but it’s time to come clean - Biden will win cus he looks better in a suit than Trump. Just like Trumps suits were better than Hillary’s awful Kim Jong-un pantsuits.

this is a 100% real take. I have been lampooning you all this whole time by pretending that I believe the electorate is capable of thinking beyond stuff like this. They aren’t. You know they aren’t. You have all been a part of my latest year long performance art piece. Thank you.

Do u honestly think I backed Kamala all this time for any real reason? Really? I backed her cus she looks better than any of her competitors. Warren? gtfo. She looks like a nerd. All my predictions are based on this methodology. I never miss. You’re seeing behind the curtain now.

I am writing a pretty lengthy blog post on this today and then i think I am gonna stop posting for a while because this is my magnum opus and my finest piece of performance art to date

Do you really wonder why New Labour was the most popular political movement EVER under Tony Blair and immediately shit the bed when Gordon Brown took over? The Iraq War? The economy? Pfft, get real. The answer is obvious.

Wow mate yeah I really wonder why Cameron absolutely crushed Miliband the mind truly boggles. I honestly can’t believe you’ve all been working under the assumption that anything other than looks matter in politics. You fools. You ignorant fools.

“Oh no comrade! Lenin is dead! I wonder whether the handsome chad Stalin or the Warhammer 40k nerd living in his mother’s basement ass Trotsky will rise to power?”

“Greetings roman! We must be careful that the first triumvirate does not descend into an absolute dictatorship of one man! Hopefully this handsome chad in the middle does not cross the rubicon with his legions and become dictator perpetuo!”

“Ug ug uggggg onga bongo unga babunga?? Ahahahahahaha ongo bonga ug ug uggggg bongo”