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Like exercising for a triathlon, practicing to stop assuming other people are villains is hard work. Don’t try to start at the capstone (your political opposition). Start with small exercises in de-villainization. 1/
The easy step is recognizing Fundamental Attribution Error - where you assume (malicious) intent where no intent even happened. Imagine driving your car, and someone slides in front of you.
You’re mad because that jerk just cut you off! 2/
You’re mad because that jerk just cut you off! 2/
Feel that anger for a minute. Now pause, and rewind. Did you know anything about that car/driver *before* they pulled in front of you? Probably not, yet now you’ve judged them, and harshly.
But I’m willing to bet you’ve done almost the same thing, without self-reflection. 3/
But I’m willing to bet you’ve done almost the same thing, without self-reflection. 3/
You’ve pulled in front of other drivers, because you needed to be in that lane. You’ve waiting to put on your signal until it’s a fait accompli.
Did you do so out of malice? Hopefully not!
Now that you’ve identified a behavior you do that would piss you off … 4/
Did you do so out of malice? Hopefully not!
Now that you’ve identified a behavior you do that would piss you off … 4/
*Every* time you do it – slide in front of another driver – subvocalize, “I bet that annoyed them.” Do that over and over again, until when someone pulls in front of you, you’re ready to respond. “It’s okay. I hope you have a safe drive.” 5/
Maybe it isn’t driving. Maybe it’s aisle blocking in a store (ha!). Maybe it’s not acknowledging people as they enter a video call.
But practice simple acts of charitable courtesy until it’s a habit. Think of it as stretching for your triathlon… 6/
But practice simple acts of charitable courtesy until it’s a habit. Think of it as stretching for your triathlon… 6/
Because this part is easy. You’re just fighting your modal bias – the preference for the mode you’re in, even against modes you use on a regular basis.
The next step is much, much harder: fighting your bias against modes *you don’t understand*. 7/
The next step is much, much harder: fighting your bias against modes *you don’t understand*. 7/
If you’re ready for that, now consider when you see someone doing something so startling you wonder, “WTF were they thinking?” Maybe a sort of “runnerup Darwin Award” activity.
Now ask yourself, “What could be true in their world to make this not seem like a horrible idea?” 8/
Now ask yourself, “What could be true in their world to make this not seem like a horrible idea?” 8/
That formulation is key. You don’t need to find a model that says “how did this idea seem wise?” Rather you need the far lesser model, “What was true that this didn’t set off alarms for them?” 9/
Because humans make middling, marginal decisions *all the time*. You don’t have to assume every choice represents someone’s ideal choice. There are days I don’t exercise like I should, or I don’t eat well. Those aren’t my best available choice - but they aren’t *horrible*. 10/
So practice finding those excuses and beliefs for the people whose decisions you question.
That’s the whole secret to not villainizing others. Finding what is true in their world; because we all inhabit different worlds, and live different experiences. 11/FIN
That’s the whole secret to not villainizing others. Finding what is true in their world; because we all inhabit different worlds, and live different experiences. 11/FIN
Also, if you want the advanced devillainization skills, they’re over here in this sub thread. I am truly blessed to work with colleagues like @theladykathryn. https://twitter.com/theladykathryn/status/1296109795162894337
