When the idiot son was here recently he took with him many family items but of course left the interior as it was.

One wall in one of the bedrooms has five wartime posters of Winston Churchill.

On the kitchen wall is a picture of the Queen with on the frame written,

"British Railways 1967"

But perhaps the most striking element is that one end of the main sitting room has been decorated to look like an English pub circa 1976. Optics, lighting, an old wooden bar with beer pumps, a place to hang glasses overhead and even a poster for Watney's Red Barrel.

There are four bar stools standing there and even some of those branded towels on the bar top. I assume this means they would sit there of an evening pretending they were in an English pub while outside it's rural France.

I suppose this explains why we never saw them outside and why they had no garden furniture. We did sometimes speculate what they did there,

"Witchcraft ?" suggested my wife once.

Shortly after the potential buyers arrived. A lovely couple from Lille seeking a holiday home. I explained I was just a neighbour helping out and made VERY clear I was not involved with the sale beyond that. I did say the decor had a 'distinctive' look so they were prepared.

They were not prepared.

Upon entering they both, in tandem and with remarkable clarity caught their breath and said,
'C’est pas vrai !"

I saw the woman grab her husband's hand and stand a little closer to him.

I felt at one point I should say something, anything really in defence of this initial impression but no words came.
"They are English, these people?" I was asked.

"Indeed yes, very English" I nodded enthusiastically as if I felt that offered some sort of explanation.

"Do you want to see the rest of the house" I asked with what I hoped was a neutral expression.

"O yes, most definitely" they said with enormous enthusiasm as they were clearly remembering all they could of this monstrosity for a future anecdote that will start,

1/2

2/2
"We walked into this house that has been owned by an English family and.."

For several moments it was though they wanted to move but could not, they remained rooted to the spot drinking in this sight of a British pub.

"Do all the English do this, I understand you have lived in England?"

I assured him it was while not common also not entirely unknown.

"If they wanted an English pub why did they come to France to build one?" I'll admit I was baffled for an answer to this and suggested perhaps a reminder of home.
Their looks of incredulity where what my comment deserved. In time they dragged themselves away to view the bedrooms

They were also clearly surprised by the wartime style Winston Churchill posters. I could see them both mentally adding these details to their future story.

However it was the master bedroom that provided the biggest shock. The parents bedroom.

I had only briefly looked into the room when I had opened the windows so I had not seen then what all three of us could clearly see now.

Hanging on the back of the bedroom door were his and her full size Micky and Minnie mouse costumes.

The question was one I had not been expecting but was logical in the circumstances,

"Do you think they dress up in those and sit at the bar?"

I really didn't know what to say to that so I covered my embarrassment by suggesting we took a look inside the wardrobe so they could see the storage space.

That's when we found the Star Trek uniforms.

We all three tried to cover our embarrassment by leaving the room and it was perhaps the haste of doing that which resulted in the lady tripping and falling on the bed. This meant the full glory of the bed linen was revealed

The bed sheet was a picture of a giant cheeseburger

It was also clearly a water bed with a switch that was marked "Vibration - 1 / 2 / 3". I looked at it, they looked at it and I don't know why but I found myself saying,

"Shall we turn it on to see what happens?"

They glanced at one another and both nodded.

Well it did what it said on the tin and it vibrated providing a surreal image of lettuce, cheese and meat gently shaking.

None of us said anything until the lady said,

"If we buy this house we will not require that"