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"Respect" is probably the most dangerous culture we have as Africans, and specifically Nigerians.
While I was growing up, I was taught never to look an elder in the eye, to always say yes to an elder, never to argue with an elder. And it didn't matter if this elder was —
While I was growing up, I was taught never to look an elder in the eye, to always say yes to an elder, never to argue with an elder. And it didn't matter if this elder was —
just three months older than me.
I grew up, like most of us did, with trauma from experiences that were meant to be "teachable moments."
Those times I made a mistake that made them beat me with a leather belt, tearing my skin in the process, or as one of my brothers have —
I grew up, like most of us did, with trauma from experiences that were meant to be "teachable moments."
Those times I made a mistake that made them beat me with a leather belt, tearing my skin in the process, or as one of my brothers have —
once done, a wood plank.
These "punishment" was meant to instill fear and respect in me, but actually what it did was clip my wings.
I currently have a little one in the house (my niece, 8yrs) and all I want for her is to learn to own and use her voice.
These "punishment" was meant to instill fear and respect in me, but actually what it did was clip my wings.
I currently have a little one in the house (my niece, 8yrs) and all I want for her is to learn to own and use her voice.
The other day, I did something she'd told me would go sideways and she said, "I told you so."
My first instinct was to hit her. It's how I've been raised but everyday I try to unlearn and so I didn't.
Why did "I told you so," rile me up? What was the harm in that simple —
My first instinct was to hit her. It's how I've been raised but everyday I try to unlearn and so I didn't.
Why did "I told you so," rile me up? What was the harm in that simple —
sentence?
Nothing! None!
She was just stating a fact, that she told me so. Which she did. But I felt disrespected.
There's this topic that have been making the rounds recently. 'Nigerians don't have social skills.'
It's because as children, our wings were clipped —
Nothing! None!
She was just stating a fact, that she told me so. Which she did. But I felt disrespected.
There's this topic that have been making the rounds recently. 'Nigerians don't have social skills.'
It's because as children, our wings were clipped —
before we even had the chance to evolve. And it spills into every area of our lives.
Most of us can't maintain eye contact while making conversations.
In school, we allow our lecturers to walk all over us because we were not taught to stand up for ourselves, especially —
Most of us can't maintain eye contact while making conversations.
In school, we allow our lecturers to walk all over us because we were not taught to stand up for ourselves, especially —
When elders are involved.
We were not taught to say no, which is why young kids don't know how to say no to adults making advances at them, and reporting said adults.
The girls were taught to always respect and fear the boys, which leads to misogyny.
So let's ask ourselves —
We were not taught to say no, which is why young kids don't know how to say no to adults making advances at them, and reporting said adults.
The girls were taught to always respect and fear the boys, which leads to misogyny.
So let's ask ourselves —
if the respect culture is actually doing something good for us.
We take "age" too seriously as a people. "I senior you." "I get your mate for just" "You and my junior sister na mate"
And so? Use to it sew cloth na.
We take "age" too seriously as a people. "I senior you." "I get your mate for just" "You and my junior sister na mate"
And so? Use to it sew cloth na.
I'm personally doing all I can to be better, not to clip the wings of those I'm older than.
And I hope as a very traumatized generation, we'd take initiative and do better too.
And I hope as a very traumatized generation, we'd take initiative and do better too.
Let me add my YouTube here in case you want to see some queer content https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCs-h23Anq29quCz9KOozDQg
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCs-h23Anq29quCz9KOozDQg
