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Everyone has an entry point. We can't very well say that people need to learn more about our concerns and "do better" and then snark at them for not having it all figured it out on day 1. Let's see what they *actually* learn and do with it before criticizing them for even trying.
Skepticism is healthy, but cynical dismissal is intellectually lazy and relationally irresponsible, and we all have our own steep learning curves we'd hope were treated with generosity. Give people the opportunity to learn and grow; if they don't, it's a different discussion.
I totally understand impatience and frustration; I'm often impatient and frustrated. There are a lot of people doing performative allyship on here that are transparently shallow and do real harm. But others really are trying to do good. I hope we can hold space for those folks.
But at least can we wait until they *actually* fuck up before shitting on their attempts? They might really surprise us in good ways.
Maybe.
But maybe we sometimes don't want them to surprise us.
Maybe.
But maybe we sometimes don't want them to surprise us.
Maybe, sometimes, so far down we can't quite admit it to ourselves, we sometimes want them to fuck up endlessly and thus justify our being on the constant edge of hopelessness, especially now. Maybe that's easier to swallow than being hopeful and so often disappointed.
This stuff is hard. It's hard to learn about, and it's hard to live. Learning is difficult, when it's done right, because it asks us to change. But that change can't be unidirectional; the learning can't be one way. We all have things to learn, and things to unlearn.
Not so much a subtweet as a reminder, to myself as much as to anyone. These are hard times. Love and kinship and kindness and generosity aren't luxuries, and they're not weaknesses--they're the only things between us and the yawning void.
We can hold each other to account AND hold each other up at the same time. I *want* people to learn and do better, because if they, if we, if *I* can't--then what's the point of teaching, creating, hoping? I want to be constantly surprised and delighted by the good people can do.
