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I just want people to see me for me. That feeling dictates half my personality and actions and I hate that I have to feel this was so much just to feel like myself because I put way too much stock in the opinions of people I consider friends. 
I feel a large amount of people feel this way, and that's just purely relatable. It sucks though when being trans, your own identity, and gender dysphoria get thrown into the mix. I feel like I have to always be myself as much as possible in order to get a crumb of validation.
What makes it all the worse is how critical and perceptive I am of compliments from people taking into consideration their intent vs what was said, and while I'm rational about the intent, the words usually stick more.
Like the phrasing "Oh yeah! You're so beautiful for a girl!" like, thanks, but why the "for a girl"? You wouldn't have said that to a woman, but you said it to me because subconsciously you don't see me as one, just a facade of one.
It's so frustrating to feel like I have to overperform myself in order to get results, while never lying or not being true to myself. At some point I'm not being properly true to myself and I just want to be accepted for who I am without having to think about it.
I hate the term "passing", the idea that in order to be comfortable I need to "pass" as a cis person in order to be treated for who I am, a woman , but if I'm perceived as a trans person I'm not treated as a woman, I'm treated as a "transwoman" in their eyes.
At the end of the day I feel everyone who has seen or talked with me knows I'm always genuine, nonstop. How I am on stream and social media is me, and I don't change that. But in a way that's draining...? Always ensuring I'm being myself and not lying to myself?
I just want to be me. Getting all kinds of random replies most don't bother me, but sometimes it sucks and they stick. "Ayy, why's this dude got tits?" like, enphasising - sure I have breast development, but my face and voice don't pass. That comment wouldn't exist otherwise.
