my favourite thing about smee is that he's such a fucking idiot, and SUCH a fucking idiot he doesn't know that he's an idiot, and captain hook is OBSESSED with him

here are some fave smee quotes and hook being a fucking homo about him

There was little sound, and none agreeable save the whir of the ship's sewing machine at which Smee sat, ever industrious and obliging, the essence of the commonplace, pathetic Smee.

I know not why he was so infinitely pathetic, unless it were because he was so pathetically unaware of it; but even strong men had to turn hastily from looking at him, and more than once on summer evenings he had touched the fount of Hook's tears and made it flow.

Of this, as of almost everything else, Smee was quite unconscious.

For long [Hook] muttered to himself, staring at Smee, who was hemming placidly, under the conviction that all children feared him.

Feared him! Feared Smee! There was not a child on board the brig that night who did not already love him.

He had said horrid things to them and hit them with the palm of his hand, because he could not hit with his fist, but they had only clung to him the more. Michael had tried on his spectacles.

To tell poor Smee that they thought him lovable! Hook itched to do it, but it seemed too brutal. Instead, he revolved this mystery in his mind: why do they find Smee lovable? He pursued the problem like the sleuth-hound that he was.

One could mention many lovable traits in Smee. For instance, after killing, it was his spectacles he wiped instead of his weapon.

[...] perhaps it was because of the soft beauty of the evening, but there came over [Hook] a desire to confide to his faithful bo'sun the story of his life. He spoke long and earnestly, but what it was all about Smee, who was rather stupid, did not know in the least.

“What's a mother?” asked the ignorant Smee.

Wendy was so shocked that she exclaimed. “He doesn't know!” and always after this she felt that if you could have a pet pirate Smee would be her one.

Hook was completely puzzled. “You ask him some questions,” he said to the others, wiping his damp brow.

Smee reflected. “I can't think of a thing,” he said regretfully.

i'd love to say that Hook loved a himbo but honestly Smee like, physically, resembles your favourite uncle, so I don't think he's actually sexy to anybody EXCEPT to Hook, who regularly like

canonically seeks out smee's presence bc he finds him comforting