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An observation on why some people who are anti-mask are also really angry at other people who are wearing masks: these are the actions of people who are really, deeply, paralyzingly afraid of death.
Anti-maskers say they're not afraid of the pandemic, but their overreactions to other people's belief exposes the full depth of their mortal fear. They're reacting to other people *reminding* them that there's something to be afraid of, and their anxiety can't tolerate that.
I am afraid of the pandemic, but because I'm afraid of it, I'm completely unafraid of the actions we take to prevent its spread. Masks, hand sanitizer, social distancing, closed businesses--none of these things make me afraid, nor do i feel threatened by people doing them.
In my childhood Christian fundamentalist days, there was this whole thing where you had to constantly police your own fears, because fear was a sign of not having put enough trust in God.
In fact, if you were afraid of something, you were supposed to do the opposite thing to demonstrate you weren't afraid and that you'd put your faith in God. A lot of this was around big life changes, like jobs and romantic partners. You were supposed to "let go and let God"
The problem is that you could go through these motions, but it only masked the normal human fear we all have. Now I'm hearing similar rhetoric from conservative Christian family members; mention Covid, they say "I'm not afraid to die".
And yet, their reactions toward *other people* tell the real story. If you're not afraid to die, why so much resentment of other people's actions?
It's because our masks remind them of their very real and very hidden fear of death.
It's because our masks remind them of their very real and very hidden fear of death.
And we're all in that same boat. Fear of death is pretty basic to the state of being mortal, and all. But denying your own fear of death puts you into a state of playing Let's Pretend, like if we all close our eyes and hide under the bed the monster will just go away.
And instead of directing that fear at the scary thing, they direct it at the rest of us for tearing away the blanket and revealing the scary thing. "You're not playing by the rules!" they howl. "We all agreed to not talk about the monster!"
Because when you're living in deep denial, the problem is the people who remind you of the thing you're denying, even inadvertently. That's what you're afraid of, and that's what you'll react to.
If they really believed the rest of us were falling for a big conspiracy or just overreacting, they would treat us with pity and let us do our thing, knowing we're only hurting ourselves in our anxiety. A mask is completely harmless.
I don't get mad at the guy muttering to himself on the metro. I just leave him alone. I don't get mad at a person with OCD who has to dress a certain way, or perform a personal ritual that has no impact on me whatsoever.
Recognizing the fear/denial anxiety reaction has helped me a lot in personal interactions with these folks. It changes the kind of questions I ask them. (I am speaking of people I personally know, not of strangers)
"It sounds like seeing other people in masks makes you really scared. Where is that coming from?" And "It's really scary living in a time of change, isn't it? I wonder if this is how people felt during past pandemics?"
I wish I had brilliant ideas about how to have these conversations with the anti-mask ragers in public places, but I really don't. I'm not sure it's possible to communicate in that moment. When your fear of death is activated, fight-or-flight sets in, and it's hard to reason.
Additionally, it's really, REALLY hard to manage my own anxiety reaction, because of course, I'm also afraid of death, and afraid of their actions impacting my own health and safety.
At the very least, it's helped me when I see these people to stop and think, "That person is clinging to denial and has very poor tools for managing their anxiety," and know to give them a wide berth for now
