Thread by @robertgriker, [LONG THREAD] 34 Timeless Principles To Make You Socially Savvy As F*ck [...]

[LONG THREAD]

34 Timeless Principles To Make You Socially Savvy As F*ck

Today I turn 34

I'm super grateful to everyone I've met and interacted with on Twitter

As a thank you, I wrote the following thread filled with secrets from the social gods

1/82

Principle #1:

*Know Your Values, Principles, and Interests*

Finding similarities with others is a hack for connecting with people

"People like those like themselves" is a completely true saying

But it's hard to find these similarities when you don't know yourself well

Take time to figure out what's important to you

Understand WHY it's important

It helps you connect with people who talk about these things

And gives you topics when seeking commonalities

It's easier to get what you want when you know yourself well

Principle #2:

*Ask Good Questions*

If you want to connect with people, you need to:

- Get to know them
- Find out what's important to them
- Connect on those things that are important

How do you do this?

By asking good questions

Ask questions that are:

- Emotion-evoking
- Open-ended
- Interesting
- Insightful
- Original

This

"What's the most exciting thing you've ever done, and why?"

Not this

"What do you like to do?"

Get to know the deepest part of them so you can relate on a deep level

Principle 3:

*Relate to What They Say*

Getting stories out of people is only part of the equation

They have to notice that some of your important values, interests, and beliefs align with theirs

There are many ways this happens:

- Your vibe
- Your energy
- Telling stories
- Providing facts
- Stating opinions

And they need to relate to the things they just told you

Example:

If you know they love surfing

Tell a story about the big surf contest you went to last summer (only if it's true obviously)

Instead of saying, "I like surfing too"

You're showing them with concrete evidence

When they give you ammunition, make sure you relate to it

Principle #4:

*Have a Sense of Humor*

Be funny

Don't take life too seriously

People want to enjoy life

Making them laugh helps accomplish this

Don't worry, you don't need scripted jokes

Just don't be boring

- Say unexpected things
- Act offended, then laugh and tell them you're joking
- Tease them, then follow with a compliment

You're not going to learn this from two tweets, but humor can be learned

Tip: listen to stand up comedy

Practice, and lighten up

Principle #5:

*Have Good Answers to Common Questions*

There are three questions people ask you all the time:

- How's it going?
- What do you do?
- Where are you from?

Be prepared to answer these with good stories

How?

- Showcase good qualities without bragging
- Insert some of your interests, values & beliefs
- Make it positive so they see your confidence and love of life

This is easy and makes you stand out from the crowd

Your first impressions will skyrocket

Principle #6:

*Bring High, Positive Energy*

People judge you primarily from the vibe you give off

- Are you a downer?
- Are you boring?
- Are you paranoid?

If so, become aware of this energy

You need to change it ASAP

Instead, people should tell that you love life and you're ready to enjoy it

- Love the weather
- Be excited for what you're about to do
- Be pumped on life and the future
- Be stoked for their successes
- Hype them up

Don't bore people

HAVE BIG ENERGY

BDE & LFG Energy

Principle #7:

*Do New Things with Others*

If you only talk to Jeff at work, then Jeff will only see you as a coworker

Even if he likes you

When you go out to lunch with Jeff, the relationship grows a little

When you do a happy hour, it grows more

Every time you do a new activity with someone, you open the relationship for growth

You're not just the tennis friend, or the neighbor, or the classmate

You're a friend

You're not tied to an activity, you're tied to a friendship

Make sure you invite people to new activities

Principle #8:

*Display Your Value*

Different people are attracted to different things, but most values are universal

- Status
- Beauty
- Wealth
- Strength
- Maturity
- Confidence
- Adventurous
- Accomplishments

People need to learn these things about you if they're true

But you can't be overt

Bragging will make you look worse

Don't make your value the point of the story

Instead, drop hints

Tell them about losing your wallet at Oktoberfest in Germany (traveling = wealth, adventure)

And things like confidence and maturity will be observed by your behavior

Don't think you can't tell a story that paints you as confident if you're not willing to do it in person

Principle #9:

*Live a Fun Life*

If you want to attract awesome people, live an awesome life

Why would a cool, adventurous, rich, jet-setting entrepreneur want to hang out with you if you eat Cheetos and play video games all day?

The benefits of a fun life are many:

- It's fun
- It makes you happier
- It will attract fun people
- You'll have better stories

There are literally ZERO reasons not to live a fun life

Try new things

Find things you love to do

And go out and do them often

Principle #10:

*Don't Be Needy*

People LOVE freedom

They like being able to do what they want, when they want, without judgment

When you're needy, you annoy the shit out of people because you make them feel guilty when they don't hang out with you

Don't do this

There are plenty of people out there and you don't need to depend on one person for your happiness

Enjoy the time you get with them and be understanding when they don't want to hang out

Reserve your judgment, be okay with their choices and you won't annoy them

Principle #11:

*Have a Story*

What's your life story?

If you don't have one already, create one

Personally, I had everything growing up. I never had to worry about money. I had friends. I was athletic.

But underneath, I felt empty, inadequate, and hated life.

It led me through a decade of self-improvement. And honestly, it's the best thing that's ever happened to me for so many reasons I can't list them here.

It's what created me, and I love my life more than I could ever imagine

So, what's your story?

- How did you become you?
- What makes you, you?
- Why is this important?

Give people a reason to fight for your comeback

Make people interested in your development

It helps them get to know you on a deeper, more intimate level, strengthening your bond

Principle #12:

*Open Up*

If you want to build strong connections, people need to know you better

They need to know your interests, beliefs, and values

The only way they'll learn about you is if you open up

Don't wait to be asked

Volunteer info

Show them who you are

Principle #13:

*Social Proof*

People are heavily influenced by others

If important people like you, people will think that you're important

If other people give you respect - look at you, face you, and listen when you speak - then they will give you respect

This is one reason you want to be able to talk to strangers

It shows others that you're social and looks like you know more people

Being seen alone for long periods can add an unfortunate stain - unfair as it may be

Perception is reality, don't forget it

Principle #14:

*Exude Confidence*

If you don't believe what you're saying, neither will anyone else

Have confidence in your beliefs and opinions

You can be open-minded, but until something changes your mind, have conviction in what you believe

People determine how much they respect you by your confidence

If you're confident you'll have a good time, you probably enjoy life often

If you're confident in your future, it's probably because you know what you're doing

Have faith that life will work out for you

Principle #15:

*Be Authentic*

You have to be you, down to your core

Your actions and words must align with your beliefs and values

If there is any incongruence, people will notice

And they won't trust you

Distrust is the quickest way to ruin a relationship

And trust is the biggest way to strengthen it

Act authentically, even if it means some people won't like you

Because the ones that do will like you that much more

Principle #16:

*Be a Good Listener*

You can't have a good conversation if you don't pay attention

People will feel disrespected and you won't be able to relate to what they say

Instead, let them speak, listen, then respond accordingly

Principle #17:

*Set and Maintain Boundaries*

There are two reasons for this:

1. It gives people clear expectations for the relationship
2. People respect those who respect themselves

When people have clear expectations, they know when they mess up

They also know if they are crossing your boundaries

So they won't be upset when you enforce them

They will respect you for it, even if it's not what they want

If they don't, they have their own issues to work on

Principle #18:

*Introduce Yourself Early*

You don't have to do it immediately - you may start a convo and share stories first - but introduce yourself early in the convo

If you wait, you may miss your opportunity

You do this to make the conversation personal

Instead of being

- That guy over there
- The baseball fan
- The new guy in accounting

You become [insert your name]

It takes the relationships a bit deeper, and they feel like they know you that much better

So the earlier you introduce yourself, the better

Principle #19:

*Use Their First Name*

Everyone's favorite word is their first name

If they hear their name in another conversation their ears perk up, even though they didn't any of the other words

Use this to your advantage

Once you introduce yourself and get their name, use it

Every couple minutes, repeat it when directing your convo at them

It'll help you remember it while making them feel like you're already friends

And the closer they feel, the stronger your relationship

Principle #20:

*Give Your Word, Keep It*

Nothing is more important than trust in relationships

When you betray someone's trust, it's nearly impossible to gain it back

Obviously the severity of the incident matters

And things happen in life

But if you can't guarantee that you can (and will) do something, don't commit

Be honest

"I'd love to, but I'm just not sure if I can make it"

That's much better than saying you'll go, then canceling last minute

When you uphold commitments, people notice

And they trust you

Principle #21:

*Talk People Up*

Instead of talking shit behind people's backs, do the opposite

Hype them up

I have a buddy who's insanely good at this

He'll meet a stranger, get to know them, then move onto another conversation elsewhere

In the new convo, he'll hype up the person he just met in the first convo

After hyping them, he'll say, "You gotta meet him, he's right there"

This is where it gets good

As he's introducing them, he'll hype the second guy who he JUST met to the first guy he met, telling him why he's awesome and should meet him

They all talk and have fun

But afterward, they both LOVE my buddy

They think he's the coolest guy ever

You don't have to be this suave

But talking people up behind their back shows that:

- You're a good friend
- You're positive with good energy
- You're not jealous (quite the opposite)
- You have cool friends (you're probably cool too)

And that's not it

Every now & then, your friend will catch wind of what you said

And guess what?

They will like you that much more

It's a win-win

Always and forever

Try it

Hype up your friends (or anyone for that matter) behind their backs

Principle #22:

*Be a Leader*

If you want solid relationships with impressive people, you need to earn their respect

No one respects a person who's wishy-washy, who changes their mind to please others, who doesn't bring anything to the table

People respect decision-makers

They like people who show them a good time

People like being taken for a ride,

They don't want the burden of conversation or entertainment to fall on them

Be that provider

Lead them to a great f*ckin time

Principle #23:

*Be Proactive*

When you're reactive, you don't get to design your life

You have conversations because other people come up to you

You're friends with people because they text you to hang out

Other people literally dictate your life

It doesn't have to be this way

- Ask for their digits
- Start conversations
- Hit up the friends you want to see
- Invite them to go on an adventure
- Reach out to people who intrigue you

Stop waiting

Create the life you want

Take chances and get after it

Principle #24:

*Look Your Best*

This may not seem like a social skill, but it matters

I don't expect you to spend hours every day trying to look good

You don't need plastic surgery

But you should groom yourself and look good

- Do your hair
- Take a shower
- Wear clothes that fit well
- Shave your neck and cheek hair
- Women, do your makeup (doesn't need to be much)

Show people that you respect and take care of yourself

You're not doing it to impress people

You do it out of self-love

Principle #25:

*Have Reasons for Saying Things*

If you're in the salsa aisle of the supermarket and see someone shopping, don't ask them if they like Metallica

It's random and makes no sense

They're not at the grocery store to make new friends

They want to shop and get home

Instead, ask them if they have any opinions on the salsa

Tell them you struck out the last few times and you're sick of having crappy salsa

Starting a convo this way makes sense - you have a reason for talking to them

You should always have a reason for what you say

Even if you want to talk about something random, have a reason for bringing it up

"Hey, I've had this random thought on my mind and want to get an outside perspective..."

There, you now have a reason for saying it

When you have a reason for talking, they won't wonder why

Principle #26:

*Don't Judge People*

If someone asks for feedback or your honest answer, give it to them

But not one likes unsolicited advice

Sure, drinking soda is unhealthy

They know that

You don't need to make them feel worse about it by telling them it's dumb

Everyone has their vices

Obviously, some are worse than others

And if their vices truly bother you, just don't hang out with them

But unless they ask for help or advice, don't judge them

It only makes them feel worse

Which make them like you less

Principle #27:

*Make Them Feel Good About Themselves*

People want to feel smart

They want to feel important

They want their little lives to matter in this giant world

Help them feel that way

You don't need to lie or brown-nose

You can do this authentically

Tell them what you like about their style

Tell them you like their interesting perspective

Show enthusiasm

They're intriguing; be impressed by them

They're smart; be curious to learn more from them

Trust me, they will LOVE you for this

Just don't overdo it

Principle #28:

*Be Rejection Proof*

Fear will hold you back more than any other obstacle

And one of the biggest fears is being rejected

We hate feeling:

- Ignored
- Jealous
- Alienated
- Powerless
- Humiliated
- Inadequate
- Unimportant
- Disrespected

So we avoid failure

This is BAD

You must learn to accept rejection as normal

It's not personal

And even if it is, who cares?

There are so many people in this world, stop worrying about the haters

Rejection is how you learn

It's a form of practice

Everyone, even the best, get rejected

So get out there and learn to enjoy rejection

Every time you start a conversation that doesn't go well, you gain more experience that will improve your social skills

Rack up those rejections

Love them

Be grateful for them

And the world will become your oyster

Principle #29:

*Go Above and Beyond*

You know attracts people?

Standing out

And you know what makes you stand out in a good way?

Going above and beyond

- Send your friend a small gift for no reason
- Text them a GIF out of the blue
- Compliment a stranger

- Offer to walk someone's shopping cart to the cart rack
- Do a little bit of research to help that person you just met

Don't do it out of neediness

Don't do it because you want something from them

Do it because you had the capacity to help and wanted to

The won't forget

Principle #30:

*Use Hand and Body Gestures*

Your words are only 7% of your communication

You body language, facial expressions, and gesture make up the other 93%

When you bring high, positive energy (Principle #6), your body language and facial expressions will show it

But many people don't gesture with their hands and arms

When you talk, speak with your hands as well

If you're talking about someone on the other side of the country, swing your arm wide and point as if you're pointing far away

If you say something's big, use your arms to gesture how large it is

The reason?

It adds authenticity and impact to your words

If your words say one thing and your body says another, people are less convinced

It's less believable

Which makes you less trustworthy

Principle #31:

*Don't Worry About the Outcome*

When I start conversations, I often say hi and just check their reaction

I'm not even facing them - I just look over my shoulder, notice they're there, and say hi

I don't care if a conversation starts or not

And that's the secret

I have no trouble starting conversations because I have zero investment in them

I don't care what happens

Sometimes the person will say hi back with a bit of interest

So I'll say something else

And if they don't, no biggie

When you're worried about

- Getting the girl
- Making a friend
- Impressing them

It puts so much pressure on you to perform

You're too worried about the outcome

Just stop

Just be friendly and say something

Get out of your own head

It's only a big deal if you make it one

Principle #32:

*Smile*

You don't need a big goofy grin

You don't need to smile the whole time

Just lif your cheeks some and put a good mood on your face

A stoic mug is not inviting

People are much more receptive to those who seem happy

Principle #33:

*Believe that Your Life is Awesome*

When someone asks how you're doing (which they will), tell them you're doing amazing

Life is f*cking awesome

You're so pumped on life

Why? Because you are!

At least you need to be

If you struggle with this, listen to me

You don't need to have all your shit figure out to love life

You need two things:

- Personal Growth
- Contribution

If you're working on improving yourself and you're doing what you can to help others (or plan to in the future - remember, this is what all businesses do)

You're set

Be grateful for being alive, for having the opportunity to become the person you want to become

Life is good

You just need to accept it

Principle #34:

*Express Gratitude*

First off, I am extremely grateful for every single person in our Twitter community.

I'm grateful for the awesome life I have

I'm grateful for my family and friends

I'm grateful for my health

And I'm still grateful for everything I wrote in last year's birthday thread: https://twitter.com/robertgriker/status/1163183321586663424?s=20

https://twitter.com/robertgriker/status/1163183321586663424?s=20

Good people love grateful people

They appreciate your humility because you aren't trying to steal the limelight

They see that you have a win-win attitude, because life isn't a zero-sum game

A rising tide lifts all boats if you see it that way

Be grateful for what you have in life

You don't know how lucky you are

And that does it

You now know the 34 timeless principles to make you socially savvy as f*ck

I hope you put this advice to good use

It's taken me years to acquire this knowledge and I'm so glad I've found it

If you enjoyed this long-ass birthday thread, please RT the first tweet in this thread to give it some love

https://twitter.com/robertgriker/status/1295720958532235265?s=20

I would greatly appreciate it

And if not, no worries

I love you regardless!

Have an absolutely amazing day

82/82

https://twitter.com/robertgriker/status/1295720958532235265?s=20

Latest Threads Unrolled: