[CW: abuse] Some utterly despicable takes on this platform today.

I was sexually abused in December 2011. It wasn't traumatic, to the point where I only realised this had been abuse after Me Too happened and I got the real meaning of consent. If I took that man to court, >>

>> I would have no substantive evidence to provide other than my account of how I was told that I had to perform oral sex, in his house, because I'd gone there to see a movie and we were supposed to have sex, according to him. I was a virgin and no, I didn't want to have sex. >>

>> I was in a stranger's house, at night, on the opposite side of Lisbon to where I lived, with a man who got naked telling me that he was horny. He wanted full penetrative sex, I wanted to get the fuck out of there. Giving him oral sex looked like my only way of getting out. >>

>> I was scared, and I immediately blamed myself - "You went to a guy's house to watch a movie, it's natural for him to assume you wanted sex." This is a lie, btw. Going to see a movie in someone's house does NOT equal consent. I wanted to get to know him. >>

>> In court, it would all be down to my word against his, and this would happen years after the fact, when I realised what happened. My integrity would be put into question, my memory, my motivations. My own sanity. This is what sexual abuse and rape victims go through. >>

>> It would be nearly impossible to provide proof beyond reasonable doubt. Would that make me a liar, if the court found him not guilty? Would any humane society then turn to the alleged victim and say "You committed perjury to defame a good man, YOU should be on trial" ?? >>

>> We live in a profoundly misogynistic society. That means that it is very difficult for women to come forward after being abused - it's hard enough for me as a gay man, and I only have homophobia to contend with. Being found not guilty doesn't make your accuser a liar. >>

>> This is obviously because of that unnecessary, provocative and mishandled programme on the BBC, about the trial of Alex Salmond. He has had his day in court, and walked out, not guilty. That is the verdict. It doesn't give anyone the right to call his accusers lying witches.>>

>> Sorry for the graphic nature of this thread. I actually didn't share half of the details of what happened to me, nor do I have to. But there are sexual abuse survivors on this platform reading your ill-thought comments today - maybe dial back some of the poison. >>

>> I don't consider myself a victim, I am in no way traumatised by what happened, but I am fully aware of what it was. This doesn't make me strong, just as being traumatised doesn't make anyone weak.

Here is the Rape Crisis Scotland helpline: https://www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk/help-helpline/  >>

>> I will never partake in trial by media, social or otherwise. Those matters are for the court to decide, and I accept the verdict established there. But I will never, ever, shame or stigmatise any alleged victims who put themselves forward through all that this entails. (/end)