Read on Twitter
I really wanted to have a video out today, but it's not going to happen.
But my pandemic coping strategy is overworking myself. So I'm trying this new thing where I don't judge myself super harshly for not constantly outputting something.
And I want to talk a bit about it.
But my pandemic coping strategy is overworking myself. So I'm trying this new thing where I don't judge myself super harshly for not constantly outputting something.
And I want to talk a bit about it.
I've spent basically every free hour on videos lately. It's absolutely bonkers that I do this to myself. I have a regular job! I cannot overstate how much fun I have making videos, but I'm just starting out. It'll be years before it pays my bills (if ever). Why am I busting ass?
At first I thought it was because it's a passion project. And sure, that's part of it. I mean you don't have to convince me to talk at length about how I love Animorphs or hate Joker. I'll just do it. So that's a good justification, right?
But it's hard to stay passionate about anything during a pandemic. Even when I'm happy, I'm still kinda miserable. And getting barely any sleep, never playing video games or watching movies, never seeing friends, all those things I love aren't happening. And that'll kills passion
Well, maybe I'm doing it because I feel pressure from the algorithm to be consistent?
Ha.
I've worked for publications with millions of readers and never gave much of a shit about stats. (It's a character flaw.) I'm sure as hell not losing sleep over a channel with <300 subs.
Ha.
I've worked for publications with millions of readers and never gave much of a shit about stats. (It's a character flaw.) I'm sure as hell not losing sleep over a channel with <300 subs.
Then my therapist introduced me to a term I'd like to share with you:
Anxiety-induced avoidance.
Basically, it's when, because you're feeling anxious, you avoid doing things (easy, right?) You're anxious about cleaning the house, so you put it off for forever.
Anxiety-induced avoidance.
Basically, it's when, because you're feeling anxious, you avoid doing things (easy, right?) You're anxious about cleaning the house, so you put it off for forever.
Except in my case, the thing I'm anxious about is...isolation. I'm not gonna get into it here (I already talked about it in the Joker video), but isolation is a huge, literal trigger for me.
So like
The pandemic hasn't been super great???
So like
The pandemic hasn't been super great???
It's not healthy but I realize I'm doing anything I can to avoid just sitting in the quiet. Anything that's relaxing (which I'm already bad at) reminds me of the isolation. So I get anxious. Twitchy. I feel like I need to be doing something.
It's not the algorithm. It's anxiety.
It's not the algorithm. It's anxiety.
I feel vain for writing all this out, but I'd feel worse pretending like mental health problems don't exist or are like usual In the Time of COVID.
I'm struggling. That's normal.
If you're struggling, that's normal.
So just go easier on yourself. And I'll try to do the same.
I'm struggling. That's normal.
If you're struggling, that's normal.
So just go easier on yourself. And I'll try to do the same.
