Disagreements between friends should be "does pineapple belong on pizza?" and not "do you think gay people should have rights?"

I value my friends' compassion and warmth and I enjoy spending time with them. I don't pick assholes who turn every conversation into Debate Club. https://twitter.com/shenanigansen/status/1295387521061462016

Friendship groups aren't "echo chambers", they're "people I love and want to spend time around because they make me happy and I hope I make them happy too" and it's so sad that some people genuinely seem to think you have to be friends with people who make you miserable.

I find it very sad that people - generally men - are being conditioned to think that they have to expend emotional energy on people they don't like for fear of being accused of "being close-minded".

If someone's politics make you uncomfortable...stop hanging around with them.

This is the adult version of telling a bullied child to befriend the bullies because then maaaybe then they'll stop being bullies. Maybe if you just EXPLAIN to them that their actions hurt, they'll stop doing them!

It is not the victim's job to tolerate or rehabilitate the people who are hurting them.

It's not my job to befriend bigots. My friends are my friends because they're good people and I love them. Bigots are not good people and I don't love them, so why would I hang out with one?

We talk a lot about escaping from toxic romantic relationships, but I feel like there needs to be a wider conversation about respecting people who need to escape from toxic platonic situations. Friendships between adults online can develop incredibly quickly because they don't -

- move to a schedule. They're not formed over days chatting in 20 minute intervals over breaks at work, or in once-a-week clubs...you can talk to people online for hours whenever it's convenient. Once we've spoken to someone like this several times, our brain goes "oh! friend".

But then after several months, the person's real persona comes out and now you're "stuck" because that person has integrated themselves into the rest of the friendship group and if you want to get away from them, you look like the bad guy. This is how creepers operate too.

So then people like Shen come along and are like "you meanies! this person might think differently to you but you're both wearing the friendship bracelet of mutual following and therefore you're stuck with them forever, or else you're the real bully". And it's just not true.

Friendships don't have to be forever. Friendships can change on a dime. People change and their interpersonal relationships can change with them.

But, most importantly: you just deadass don't have to be friends with someone if you don't want to.

Friendship isn't a "human right" that has to be given to everyone no matter what. It's something you earn through mutual respect and understanding. It's genuine happiness when you see that person come online or knock on your front door. It's the knowledge that you're not alone.

Calling friendships "echo chambers" is a fundamental misunderstanding of what a friendship is, of what a friend should be, and, ultimately, of what your duty of care is to yourself.

Friends shouldn't make you miserable. They shouldn't exhaust you. They should make you happy.

tl;dr avoid people who use terms like debate me/to play devil's advocate/echo chambers because they won't make good friends