Change of pace. A thread of (some of) my favorite word origins, in no particular order

1) "Pedigree" comes from the French pied de gru, meaning "foot of a crane" because the branching forked image used to illustrate descent looked kinda like the footprint of a bird. I hate birds

2) "Tawdry" is probably a smooshing together of "Saint Audrey," which itself was short for "Saint Audrey's lace." Her devotees wore cheap lace ribbons on their necks in her honor. In tradition, she died of a throat ailment. It later became a term for "poor quality." People suck!

3) "Muscle" literally means "small mouse" because ancient weirdos imagined the movement of muscles under the skin looked like little rodents running around? Sure. Whatever. Perverts

4) "Dunce," meaning stupid dumbhead, was in fact a real dude. We call this an "eponym," a word origin that derives from a person or place's name. This poor sonofabitch was Johns Dun Scotus, a Scottish intellectual everybody used to dunk on. They even named a hat after him LOL

5) Speaking of which, "maverick" comes from Sam Maverick, an asshole who let his cattle run all over the damn place. Like mavericks! Fun fact, his shitbird grandson coined the term "gobbledygook." I don't understand anything either

6) Being called "nice" used to mean you were a stupid imbecile who nobody liked. Dumb, ignorant. The "ice" part is the same one in "science" but the "n" makes it a negative, so it basically means "to not know shit." Long-ago scholars blamed its shift in meaning on women. Lordy

7) Not really a word origin, but the reason there's an "R" in "colonel" is that there were two competing words in English--French "coronell" and Italian "colonnella." For some goddamn reason, we kept the *spelling* of the one but the *pronunciation* of the other. Everything sucks

8) "Bear," as in the animal, is a really, really old word that means, like, "the brown thing." Fucking nailed it, dudes

9) The words "pen" and "pencil" are etymologically distinct. "Pen" is Latin and means "quill" or "bird feather." Think penne pasta. "Pencil" comes from a *different* Latin word meaning "brush," which is related to the word "penis." I have no idea what to do with this information

10) "Quintessential," meaning purest version of something or other. Literally the "fifth element," an obsession of alchemists (basically ancient D&D nerds) who were searching for a controlling element to add to earth, wind, fire, and air. Anyway, you've seen the movie

11) "Avocado" comes from a Spanish word meaning "testicle." Guess why. You may now enjoy your guacamole more or less, depending. Either way, you have my blessing

12) Have a job? Draw a "salary"? (If so, congrats.) It means "salt." Ancient soldiers etc. used to be paid in salt (don't ask). Eventually, someone figured out it was easier to give these idiots cash to buy their own fucking salt, and guess what happened next?

13) A "sycophant" used to mean some old time Greek guy who insulted a hated politician by "showing the fig." Like, the fruit. They split two fingers and stuck their tongue between them, which was supposed to look like a vagina. It later came to mean someone's political toadies

14) "Ampersand" meaning the "&" symbol thing is a contraction of "and per se and." I'm not even going to explain this one because I don't have enough characters and none of us will remember anyway. Just trust me on this one &

15) "Nimrod" isn't an insult you dumbshits, you absolute nimrods. He is however related to a famous dick who built a giant biblical boat full of animals you've heard of

16) Finally, "pupil," as in the eye pupil, means "little doll." When you look closely into someone else's eyes you see a tiny reflection of yourself looking back. A little doll. Of you! It's the same "pupil" as in "young student," by the way. Also "puppet"

Endnote: That word origin you think you know? The super clever one? It's an acronym? A funny, funny acronym? "For unlawful carnal knowledge"? "Ship high in transit"? "To insure promptness"? "Gentlemen only, ladies forbidden"? Yeah, no. Here endeth the lesson