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A few days ago, one of my closest friends passed away. After hearing some of the things people have said to her family, I realized that too many people say inappropriate things to those that are grieving. So, I've made a list of common things people say that they shouldn't:
Don't start talking about your loss(es). Don't make it about yourself. It takes the attention away from the bereaved and makes them feel as though they need to stop their grief and comfort you instead.
"I understand how you feel." Do not say this to anyone in any situation EVER! You have no way of ever knowing how someone feels, no matter how similar of a situation you've been in!
Don't say anything that starts with "At least." You are trying to force them to find something positive when they are in sorrow. They are allowed to just be sad.
Keep your religious comments to yourself. If you even think of saying, "It's what God wanted," "They're in a better place," "We have to trust His plan," or anything like that, I have a better idea: Shush!
"Please let me know if there's anything I can do." This sounds helpful, but it's not. It puts the burden on the griever to have to reach out for help. (I have been guilty of doing this, but am trying not to). Tell them something specific you will do for them instead.
Don't ask, "How are you doing?" This comes off as you saying, "I want you to answer with 'I'm okay' because the real answer will make me uncomfortable." Instead say something like, "I know you're going through something painful right now." It acknowledges their pain/feelings.
Don't say "Be strong." They are allowed to feel crushed.
I could go on, but these are the most common ones I've heard. Thank you for reading.
I could go on, but these are the most common ones I've heard. Thank you for reading.
