If you haven't already, it's a good time to broach the subject of Thanksgiving if you usually have a gathering and haven't already discussed it.

Well, maybe "good time" isn't right, but it is necessary.

Christmas, too. Any traditional friend/family gathering as we head toward the end of the year. Hopefully your earlier plans this year already changed but we don't even have to get into that right now.

I'm someone who will avoid confrontation even at great personal cost, and I have lived in violent households and I have dealt with abusive relatives, so remember that when I say this:

Set your boundaries and stick to them.

Tell folks what you will and won't do.

Follow through.

Sometimes that isn't safe or possible! Your situation is your own, you know it best, there's no one fit for all.

But if you can.

Don't feel guilty for cancelling your usual holiday hosting plans.

Don't feel guilty for not attending a group gathering somewhere else.

Just be honest, be up front about it, and do it as early as possible.

I understand the desire to wait and see but please understand that Covid-19 is not going to go away and, especially depending on where you are, I wouldn't anticipate a whole lot of improvements in the coming months.

So, plan. You'll be glad you did.

And if you're struggling with helping your kids cope with these changes to traditional gatherings (or if you're struggling with it!) nothing has proven as effective for me as not presenting it as a loss.

It doesn't have to just be a loss.

"We love our friends and family, and they love us so much, that we're not going to risk each other's health.

We'll still decorate, have our favorite foods, play our favorite games. And we'll call our friends/family, wish them a happy (whatever) and see how they're celebrating!"

Or whatever makes sense.

It's change. It's different. Those aren't inherently bad things.

And if your friends/family are still planning to gather and you won't be joining, well... that sucks, not gonna lie.

Sometimes things just suck. I'm sorry.

It's okay to be sad, angry, to miss people so much.

Sometimes there is no fix for that. You just have to ride it out.

What I ask you to hold on to firmly is this, though:

You are making the hard decision to do the right thing.

Just because it's hard doesn't mean it's wrong.

And for goodness' sake please, please do not do house-hop gatherings this year. Just don't do it. Please.