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Okay #romance Twitter, a thread from me (a bi cis woman) on frustrations about the throwaway bi MC in f/m romance. 1/ [GIF so frustrating]
I was reading a paranormal historical f/m last night and it turned out the m of the couple was bisexual, or at least that his sexual history included lovers who were both men and women. 2/ [GIF happy dance]
He'd been queer-coded in a previous installment of the series, as a secondary character, so I'd kinda low-key expected him to be gay, was slightly let down when he turned up as an MC in an f/m novel, but then he IS queer! huzzah! 3/ [GIF huzzah]
The problem, however, is twofold
1) We only know he's bi because he TELLS the other MC this
and
2) He tells the other MC this right before they have first-ever sexytimes. 4/ [GIF sigh]
1) We only know he's bi because he TELLS the other MC this
and
2) He tells the other MC this right before they have first-ever sexytimes. 4/ [GIF sigh]
re: 1) There's nothing wrong, per se, about saying "Hey, we're stepping out together. I'm bi, this is an important part of my life experience and core identity. You need to know this in order to truly know me, in order for me to feel okay being vulnerable and naked with you." 5/
If the sum total of the exchange is:
"I've also slept with men."
"Oh."
"Does that bother you?"
"No."
... I HAVE PROBLEMS. 6/
"I've also slept with men."
"Oh."
"Does that bother you?"
"No."
... I HAVE PROBLEMS. 6/
Or maybe, more accurately, I have disappointments?
It's a huge loss to character development and storytelling and sexual joy for the couple to reduce a queer character's bisexuality to the (presumed straight; she doesn't actually clarify!) partner's lack of biphobia. 7/
It's a huge loss to character development and storytelling and sexual joy for the couple to reduce a queer character's bisexuality to the (presumed straight; she doesn't actually clarify!) partner's lack of biphobia. 7/
Let's take this moment and break it down.
You've got two lovers, who have quite sweetly and consensually agreed they would like very much to get naked and do pleasurable sexy things together for the first time. They've established neither are first-timers. 8/
You've got two lovers, who have quite sweetly and consensually agreed they would like very much to get naked and do pleasurable sexy things together for the first time. They've established neither are first-timers. 8/
They're undressing. In a bedroom. Getting to know eachothers' bodies and pleasures. In that context, one of the two people disclosing that they have desires that are socially marginalized and in some cases illegal is NOT a throwaway disclosure. 9/
It's a huge act of trust, and an invitation to know that person more fully in a way -- presumably, given the historical context -- almost no one has been allowed to know him. And it's also a part of him that's not just relevant in this moment. It's relevent *always*. 10/
I've been thinking about this since last night and it would be a decision, certainly, to have queer identity NOT be relevant to the character. Maybe he's a man who has had sex with men in the past but thinks of himself essentially heterosexual & wants to exist as straight. 11/
It's a decision I wouldn't like (I wouldn't resonate with it personally) but it's a documented thing in the world both historically and in the present day. This writer wasn't doing that, at least not that I could tell. They clearly thought this information did matter. 12/
But if you're going to write a bi main character, it's a huge loss to them *and their partner* not to incorporate that part of their experience into the story in a more holistic way. 13/
Because it's an invitation, too, to the partner for her to reorganize both her understanding of her lover's experience and identity and also come to new understandings of herself and her desires, potentially, through that learning. 14/
It's not a given, obviously, but it's *likely* that a bisexual cis male MC will have had a very different experience of heteronorms and the patriarchy than a straight male MC, and is therefore going to bring that history to a relationship with a female partner. For starters. 15/
It was ... striking to me, to say the least, that the female MC in this particular novel expressed zero curiosity about her lover's queer identity or bisexual desires beyond sort of confirming he hadn't introduced her to any former lovers without her knowledge. 16/
Like, look, I'm a curious person and I know I generally have an overwhelming number of questions as compared to the average individual but wouldn't you find this new information precious? I would want to know everything about how that part of who he was mattered to him. 17/
Anyway, this has been a long and scattered thread but I was disappointed that the book didn't do more with the queer potential it had. I feel bad for the characters, who both deserved better, deeper, more from that moment and the moments that followed. 18/
The main point is this: If you're writing #romance and you're writing a queer character, maybe particularly in an m/f pairing that will push them toward heteronorms, please give their queerness room to *matter* in positive ways for them and their partner. The end. 19/19
