Omo! Let me gist you on how people who spread fake news almost gave me heart attack.

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So years ago I was granted yankee visa right?(around May). I was really excited! You know nah! Street boy! E no easy! I don collect visa, but I wasn't traveling till Aug due to funds and other things. I know, na just 3 months, but e be like 3 years for my eyes then.. e too tey-

So, I asked myself "Since I'm still gonna be in Naija for the next 3 months. Where will I hide my pali? Where will I put it that it won't disappear? What if they coman steal it? what if it falls inside gutter? Or flood carry it away?" I was imagining nonsense, even me gan felt

Like I was moving mad. I gave my mom the gist she said "Oko mi.. let me help you keep it nau. I'll have it whenever you are ready". I said "Ha! You that we don't know where you own passport is. You want to hold mine" Ewo orisha! My sister said "ok let me keep it for you then"-

I said "first of all, didn't you say they picked your pocket the other day? Second of all, you misplaced your bag in the market! A whole bagg! Ok! What if my passport was inside your bag . It has gone niyen o" Nooooo! Ina passport oni jo wa ooo. My sister-in-law asked if she-

Could help me keep it... I said "You that we will sit down here and your kids will goan open your wardrobe and be throwing your gele upandan. Okay, what if they find my passpot and tear the visa page and goan use it to do "aeromplane" and be throwing it? " Not today Satan.

They got tired of me. They told me to goan do whatever with it when my wahala was too much. Omo! I nearly put padlock in my pockets. I couldn't trust anyone. I saw two guys talking on my way home that night... I was like "these guys are planning to steal my passport!"

Omo! Coman see speed!! Griiiiiiiiiiii Japaaaaaa! The day my sister came to visit and she called me that there was a rat in my room. I asked on the phone "so what did you do?" She said "ha! I didn't do anything o, me that I'm scared of rat". Ha! Scared keh? She you don't know

That rat can eat my passport ni? Shey you dont want me to travel ni? Shey you and the rat are planning against me ni? You have to kill it o. That rat might be the reason you brother won't travel! You better take care of it! Even my sister was shocked. wtf is wrong with this boy?

So when I wanted to kill my self with high BP. I said "omo! Na to calm down o. If care is not taken, I'll just die one day, and na person wey dey alive dey travel". So I went to see my aunt who lived in the outskirts of Ije-ododo. I called her and said I was coming to see her

I got there and gave her the passport. I said "Aunty mi, please I beg you! Don't be the reason I won't go to America. Please take care of this for me. Take it everywhere with you" she said "No, ill keep it at home, and it will be safe" I said "my friend have Rottweiler, shey I

Should goan borrow it and let it guard your house if you are not at home abi bawo". She yelled "It is fine! Go home!"

So one morning in June. I woke up around 7am and got on twitter. Bruhhhhhh! NEWS ALERT
"A pipeline explosion occurred at Ije-Ododo around 11pm yesterday"

Ehn! Explosion keh? Oluwa wetin dey happen? Explosion? In Ije-ododo. Omo! I was calm.. I was ok for few mins.. it was like my brain wasnt around... boya it was playing ten ten somewhere.. suddenly!! I yelled "haaa!! my passport!!" My phone died and there was no light.

I asked neighbor "bros you get fuel?" He said "I never on gen since o. No money for fuel" Excuse me, why do you have gen pls? This man have never fueled his generator in his life. Everytime no fuel. Kuku sell it and buy rechargeable lamp and let us rest with your yellow generator

Oponu aye rada. I was vexed fam. I ran to the streets to look for a place to charge. Finally I found one. I was just shaking and was really irritated cos I wanted to call my aunty so bad. I plugged my phone in a shop, and as I waiting for my phone.. I saw bunch of jobless men...

Let me tell you, some people are unfortunate and bastards in this life. some people may never do well because of the fake news they
spread. I stepped out and there was a man outside yelling "ha! I am just coming from Ijegun. That explosion wey happen Ije Ododo don spread to

Ijegun! Ha! The fire too much! People just dey burn anyhow. We are in trouble!" I was like "haaaaaaa! Wahala de ooo!" I picked my phone! Coman see run! I almost flew the gate bruh. I got in and dialed my aunt's number.. I just heard "Pan ran ran. Ko wo le"

Ko wo le keh?

Out of all the days in this world, it is today MTN want to be unfortunate. Aiye wa o ma ni daru keehh.. I tried again! It went through! Ha! Ope o! The phone rang. No answer... I didn't know when I dropped the phone. "Haaaa Aiye mi oooo. Won ti pada get mi". I changed my clothes

And ran downstairs. I called bike "Bikeeee stop stop". Where you dey go oga? (I was at Isolo) "Ijegun pls pls". He said "oga na Jakande I go fit reach and na N250" oga oya oya!! I said "oga dem say Ije-ododo dey burn say pipeline burst speed abeg" he asked "eh God. Your house dey

Burn?" I said NO. he said "and na person go cause am o?" I said "Na wetin I hear". He asked again "oga shey.." I said "Oga pls just ride your okada, if you don't want this okada to carry us both and enter bush" because I don't know why everyone is moving mad today! Just ride your

Bike! Coman see speed. Let me not lie that guy can speed. Coman see swerve.. oshey!! We were just passing everyone fia fia fia. I thought I was in a movie ni, everything be like slow motion in my head... in my head I was singing "Aya Aya toofannn" we hit hold up before we reached

Jakande gate. I got off the bike and started running to get Keke to Ije-ododo. I saw another lady ranting about the fire. She wore a customized "no 14" Man U jersey with "Toyosi" behind it. I yelled Aunty Toyosi!! Aunty Toyosi!! She didn't even answer me. Shey this one dont

Know her name again ni? Aunty Toyosiiiii!! Ha! This one goan borrow jersey, because how can you not know your name . Just carry your waran waran and go. Bikeman said "I no go Ije ododo, but I fit drop you for Ijegun. Ije Ododo dey burn.. in fact, e don almost burn finish!" Haa

E must not burn o! Let me get my passport first. Oga oya tena si okada yiiii. Je ko ma lo be!!! I got to Ijegun, and gave this foolish okada man N500. I heard "bros no change o, wait make i go look for change" wait bawo? it's like this man want to chop fly nodding... Ije-Idodo is

Burning, and you are telling me to wait? I tried my aunts number while I was waiting... she answered! Ope o! She said "Hello!! Helloooo! Ha! Weyrey ni awon oni network yi". Network keh! Aunty I can hear you nahhh.. Hello!! She went "Hellooo, mi ogbo nkan to'n so o..." *hangsup*

Omo! Why did she hang up?! Its like my aunty wants me to scatter the whole Ijegun!! Haaaa! Emi Ekun! Okurin metala and half! So i thought about it... "if my aunty is okay, that means my passport is okay too nah. The background was quite and all, abi she is not at home ni?

Haaaaa ehhh God.". I sha took another bike to my aunt's house, As the bike was getting closer, I realized the fire wasn't even close to her house. I got off the bike and ran to her door and knocked. She responded "Ta ni yen?" OMG she dey inside. I said it was me so she told

me to come in. See how I was sweating like a fool. She was like "where are you coming from? Why are you sweating like this?" I gave her the gist of those unfortunate people that told me her area was burning. Omo! I have never seen my aunt laughed that hard before.

I felt stupid fam... like... what if I died of heart attack when I heard there was fire everywhere or got in a wreck when I was flying bike upadan LMAO.