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Signs of a nonpalogy in the wild and red flags in apologies for my peeps, a thread:
1. You find yourself feeling more sorry for the one apologizing/abuse than the victim(s)
Guilt tripping is a red flag. Call it out. Regardless of who is apologizing. Victims dont deserve that and it's not a sympathy contest. The victim is the victim. Support them.
Guilt tripping is a red flag. Call it out. Regardless of who is apologizing. Victims dont deserve that and it's not a sympathy contest. The victim is the victim. Support them.
2. Problematic phrasing.
Thid one is hard to spot but keep an eye out for things such as contradicting statements, using phrasing that shoes lack of actual remorse, downplaying the hurt of the victims, bringing their own feelings into the apology excessively.
Thid one is hard to spot but keep an eye out for things such as contradicting statements, using phrasing that shoes lack of actual remorse, downplaying the hurt of the victims, bringing their own feelings into the apology excessively.
3. Framing.
They try and paint a picture that puts them in a good light or a sympathizing light for people reading more than focus on the affected.
Example bringing up their history, their record, their reputation, ect.
It is used to downplay their impact on the victim.
They try and paint a picture that puts them in a good light or a sympathizing light for people reading more than focus on the affected.
Example bringing up their history, their record, their reputation, ect.
It is used to downplay their impact on the victim.
4. Victim's reaction
If all else fails be sure to make sure the victim is taken care of and they dont feel pressured into accepting the apology. If they are 100% okay with the apology thsts good. If they arent that's also fine and they should be supported.
The apology is for them
If all else fails be sure to make sure the victim is taken care of and they dont feel pressured into accepting the apology. If they are 100% okay with the apology thsts good. If they arent that's also fine and they should be supported.
The apology is for them
5. Patterns.
Peoppe show their true colors vis patterns very easily. Keep an eye out for repetition, actions proceeding the fact, and focus on reputation and saving face more than righting wrongs and learning.
Peoppe show their true colors vis patterns very easily. Keep an eye out for repetition, actions proceeding the fact, and focus on reputation and saving face more than righting wrongs and learning.
6. Very over the top and long apologies.
It shouldnt take pages to get an apology across unless you hurt a lot of different people in specific ways.
Apologies shouldnt be used to give the abuser/apologizer's life story.
It shouldnt take pages to get an apology across unless you hurt a lot of different people in specific ways.
Apologies shouldnt be used to give the abuser/apologizer's life story.
7. Lack of understanding of what was wrong.
This one is a huge and important one. If someone is truly sorry they should know what they did wrong and own up to it. If not it's fake regardless. Phrases like "whatever I did to you, I'm sorry for" is red flag.
This one is a huge and important one. If someone is truly sorry they should know what they did wrong and own up to it. If not it's fake regardless. Phrases like "whatever I did to you, I'm sorry for" is red flag.
8. Hollow apology.
Actions speak louder than words. After an apology if nothing has changed, or they dont bother to try and help the wronged in some way that isnt a one time fix all deal, then it meant nothing.
Actions speak louder than words. After an apology if nothing has changed, or they dont bother to try and help the wronged in some way that isnt a one time fix all deal, then it meant nothing.
9. Comments
If you see more people saying "we forgive you" that arent even victims nor were even affected, the apology wasnt a good one. None of these comments should come from anyone but the victims.
Also keep an eye out for people calling out other red flags that were missed.
If you see more people saying "we forgive you" that arent even victims nor were even affected, the apology wasnt a good one. None of these comments should come from anyone but the victims.
Also keep an eye out for people calling out other red flags that were missed.
10. Reaction to negative feed back
This one is a big one. Some will.make a grandeur display of being okay being called out, or will hide bad replies, or will even just ignore negative comments entirely and focus on the supportive ones.
They only care about the general pubkic.
This one is a big one. Some will.make a grandeur display of being okay being called out, or will hide bad replies, or will even just ignore negative comments entirely and focus on the supportive ones.
They only care about the general pubkic.
Hopefully these help you guys spot some problematic apologies and stuff. I see them a lot in this fandom.
Just remeber to be aware and support and listen to victims and not let your want to not see people hurt get in the way of their apology.
Just remeber to be aware and support and listen to victims and not let your want to not see people hurt get in the way of their apology.
Please leave a comment to help boost the thread cause twitter hates me
