you know how people say heal fully before you date people like i have an argument for that. what does “healing fully” look like. because trauma stays with us for life & like we learn to better cope & adapt to it but it doesn’t fully go away considering triggers exist.

so like yeah it is your job to do your best to heal the parts of you that absolutely need work so that you aren’t traumatizing another person but like... there’s always going to be something that triggers a thought, behavior or memory from your past so like...

there are some flaws in that rhetoric. i can only speak from experience. i was single for 1 year prior to meeting my current boyfriend. i had gone through an abusive relationship before him. for that year i reflected & genuinely thought i was okay but when i met him i realized i

wasn’t. that fucking happens dude. i feel like there’s no way to know if you’re actually ready to date again until you do. people can be single for 5 years & never reflect that whole time & still not be ready to date afterwards as well. i think a lot of life is trial & error.

now if you blatantly know that you have raging insecurity & projection issues & don’t disclose that with your partner before getting serious then like that’s a problem too. clearly this is rooted in self awareness but also, can we ever be 100% self aware?

i was very blessed to have met someone who was patient and open to going on this ride with me. we’ve been together for 6 years but not without some difficulty. communication issues in the beginning & pushing each other away. nothing too severe though, we’ve always been mature.

but he also had trauma from his past as well. sometimes you meet someone that loves you so selflessly that it really does help heal you. because that’s what a relationship is at the heart of it all. a friendship. and boy let me tell you...

he is the best friend i could’ve ever asked for. a friend is that person that gives you the love you stopped giving to yourself. the type of love that only uplifts and inspires you. the type of love that changes your mind about human nature as a whole.