I thought it would be nice to book a weekend at Pontins for my daughter.
But I’ve just arrived and I’ve made a massive mistake.

Thoughts and prayers needed.

If you’ve not heard from me in a couple of hours, I’ve probably had my head kicked in.

You know usually when you go away, you tell your child to be careful and not break anything, it really doesn’t matter here.

I’m not quite sure how it works, but from what I can see is that children don’t need to be parented here. They just run around, half naked clutching bottles of coke until (I assume) they pass out.

Oh and the fridge doesn’t work.

Some people outside have dragged their matteresses out onto the grass for a more comfortable outdoor seating arrangement.
They’re also playing truth or dare. From what I can hear from their answers, they’ve all been very exploratory when it comes to sex.

Theres a hole outside on the grass, it has a couple of cones around it so children don’t fall in.
However, as nothing else is open, it’s turned out to be the top attraction.

My daughter has just informed me that we have our own disco light.

A tractor has just come along and filled in the hole outside so thats tonight’s entertainment ruined.

I’m trying to embrace it, I’ve dragged a chair outside and I’m having a drink. I’ve just laughed and beer came out of my nose, so I think I’m making good progress.

Haven’t seen my daughter in several hours, but that’s ok here.
Last time I see her she was playing near the hole.

I bought some fruity cider to be a bit fancy. Unfortunately there’s no bottle opener so I done the old ‘key trick’ as you can see it went really well.

There isn’t a shower, there also isn’t any hot water. So I just knelt into a few inches of water and washed my hair with a saucepan.

It’s 8:30am and people are already shouting at each other here, I love a good punch up whilst I eat my crunchy nut corn flakes.

rain drops keep falling on my head
Which would be fine, if I wasn’t standing in the kitchen.

I think this bedside cabinet speaks on behalf of all of us.