British family decided to camp on my land overnight,

"Excuse me this is not a campsite, this is my farm" says I to them

"Disgusting that anyone is allowed to own all this" replies fat, ugly, chain smoking mother.

I helpfully gave directions to a local campsite,

"You sound English, what you doing here then ? I ignored this,
"Please pack up and be gone in an hour"
"Or what?" I am challenged

I pointed to the large bull in the next field (actually my neighbours) I shrugged,

"Then regretfully my bull will have to encourage you when he comes in for his breakfast"

They have left but leaving a lot of rubbish behind. I have gathered up the rubbish because I know where they have gone. I will be delivering the rubbish back to them later today.

I should say we do get people asking if they can camp on our land. We usually say yes but direct them to a particular area which is away from our animals.

We have a couple from Paris who have been coming for many years. Always a delight and pay me with a nice bottle of wine.

Several here have questioned my description of the mother as,

"fat, ugly, chain smoking".

If a person is indeed fat, ugly and chain smoking how should one describe them ?

Just dropped in at the campsite my overnight visitors are now using. They had left a window open on their car so I was able to return the items they had 'forgotten'

I'm not expecting any reward.

The owner of the campsite just called me, the family have just returned to their car and discovered their returned rubbish

Apparently they are not happy

I was told the father of the family (a man as thin as his wife is fat) asked for some bin bags to clear out his car.

"Certainly" said Alain (owner of campsite) "They are €10 each"

Alain has a particular hatred of fly tipping because he is often having to clear it up.

Clearly they are seeking a war.

Walked down to my gate this morning and found the rubbish all piled on my drive. I spoke to Alain (owner of campsite) who said they had left yesterday afternoon.

Bad news for them, I know where they have gone.

To those saying I should "let it go" and to be the "bigger man"

Too late, petty act of revenge already in progress. I'm calling it,
"Operation Payback'

So...
All rubbish now disposed off in the correct manner

Now we proceed to the revenge stage. Some well hung meat...

Jules and I have attached said meat to their car exhaust with wire. Inside the radiator housing we have put fish.

Also left a note on the car saying, (in French),

"Please contact the police as soon as possible because of the road accident"

I should say we did this knowing they were driving back to the UK today. By the time they reach Paris their car will stink like a collision between McDonalds and a fishing boat.