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By popular demand, here are (some of) my personal do’s & don’t’s* to being Considerate Top™ (a thread):
*caveat that apart from consent, there are no absolutes. If you & your partner have both established desiring something contrary to what I’ve posted, live your best ho life!
*caveat that apart from consent, there are no absolutes. If you & your partner have both established desiring something contrary to what I’ve posted, live your best ho life!
1. When it comes to deciding to play bareback or w/ a condom, leave the decision to the bottom - they’re at higher risk for STIs & they have to deal w/ the clean out. Bottoming is so mental - they have anxiety about bottoming raw, you’re only gonna make things harder for yourself
(Obviously does not apply in a situation where your preference is to use a condom & theirs is not - consideration of your partner’s sexual health works both ways!)
2. Similarly, let your bottom dictate what position feels best for them to start, ESPECIALLY if they’re inexperienced. I feel like doggy is the overwhelming preference for tops but I’ve literally had guys tell me that when you fuck in ONLY this position it becomes dehumanizing
2) (cont.) your bottom is not just a hole (unless they want to be) & focusing exclusively on sliding your dick in & out of it makes you a Selfish Top (& probably not very creative either) (hi Austin Wolf!).
2. (cont.) So what are your options besides making out & jerking them off?
Lick/gentle suction on their neck (the back of which is more sensitive, so adjust your aggression accordingly, but no hickies, this ain’t freshman year)
Lick their ear but ffs do not SLOBBER in it
Lick/gentle suction on their neck (the back of which is more sensitive, so adjust your aggression accordingly, but no hickies, this ain’t freshman year)
Lick their ear but ffs do not SLOBBER in it
One of my personal favorites is to very lightly run my fingertips up & down their back/obliques during more slow, sensuous sessions. Sometimes during doggy you can give them, for lack of a better term, a back rub (your hands are already lubey, might as well use it)
3. I realized I skipped a few steps - EAT ASS! This is not negotiable, seriously. & don’t be a wimp about it - if you need to literally COUNT how many times you lick their hole, do it. 3 minutes is the bare minimum, but aspire to more.
3. (Cont.) If cleanliness is an issue, do not make them feel ashamed or embarrassed. Saying a line like “would you mind rinsing off a bit so I can eat you out?” works bc it suggests eating them out is a privilege that you would be happy to do (which it is!)
4. Use more lube than you think you need & go slower than you think you have to. Gauge reactions based on tensing, exhalation, etc. Note: bc of the prostate, sometimes getting it all the way in is more pleasant than the intermediate penetration stage so be mindful not to linger
If you sense discomfort, jerking them off in slow, rhythmic strokes with a fairly firm grip seems to help bottoms relax & make the transition to enjoyment. Idk why this works but it does
5. Check in with them regularly! Ask how they’re feeling about the depth you’re going, the speed, what feels good, what doesn’t. I almost didn’t include this bc it’s literally so basic & fundamental. Communicate!
6. Y’all know this is what I became known for - always ask for permission to cum, & establish where they want it. Cumming at the same time is super satisfying anyway, so if necessary, hold off or take a break if you’re too close! (This is where kegels come in handy)
7. When you’re done, get your bottom 2 towels to clean, hand towels preferred but paper towels OK: 1 dry, 1 soaked in warm/hot water & squeezed so it’s damp not dripping. The wet towel helps w/ stickiness/crustiness, then use the dry. Do this QUICKLY so you can get right to (8)
8. The sensation of getting your insides plowed for 20 minutes is frankly traumatic, so you need aftercare. Cuddle them - spooning is okay, but ideally you would pull them toward you, their head on your chest. You can play w/ their hair w/ one hand & massage them w/ your other
& kiss their forehead! Subtle gesture that would probably help them feel safe & taken care of
9. If applicable, go for a round 2 after you’ve cuddled, caught your breath, had a refractory period. They didn’t spend 30 minutes of their lives douching for you to once nut in 5 minutes & leave!
10. General rules - if there’s a mess at any point never ever make them feel embarrassed bc you’re an asshole if you do. Wash it off, let him try to get the water to run clear, try again. In the context of a group, be especially discreet about it
11. Goes for both sexual partners: If there’s any issue regarding STIs be a fucking adult & tell them if there’s an issue on your end, & THANK them for informing you if there’s an issue on theirs. We should not be disincentivizing honesty & communication
12. If you have the means, buy them dinner! They probably didn’t eat for like 6 hours because of you :/ (I’m poor so I can’t do this so that’s why I’m selling nudes on the Internet)
There’s probably some tips I’ve neglected to mention bc I’m exhausted now but feel free to contribute your own, & I may edit or add to this over time. Sex should be fun, safe, consensual, luxurious, silly, reciprocal, & whatever else you want it to be. So get fucking!
Notable addition to the discourse - feel free to keep DMing me if there’s anything I’ve missed
Okay I’m rested, recharged, & y’all have completely ignored the videos I’ve tried to post so I’m gonna do a short continuation. Being a considerate top, part II
1. Wash your dick! “Hello how are you” => “can I use your restroom?”
Sing Happy Birthday 2x while washing your hands w/ soap (no COVID in this house!), then do the same w/ your dick. This should be in ADDITION to showering beforehand, not instead of! Men don’t want to taste lint
Sing Happy Birthday 2x while washing your hands w/ soap (no COVID in this house!), then do the same w/ your dick. This should be in ADDITION to showering beforehand, not instead of! Men don’t want to taste lint
2. Your body hair, your choice, do what makes you feel beautiful. That being said, keeping your bush tidy & trimmed will not only allow easier access, avoid that “pulling hair out of your mouth” moment, but will also make your dick look visually bigger
3. Another erogenous zone I forgot to mention (which is shocking bc it’s my personal favorite) - the nipples. Mine are 200% wired to my cock - just remember with more sensitive areas, lubricating your fingers w/ spit first will be more pleasurable than just a dry touch
4. I would advise against forcing poppers onto your bottom unless they’re into that dom/sub dynamic - obviously we all know that too much will make you feel lightheaded & it’s not great for your brain, so let them control when & how much to use
4. (cont.) when your bottom is taking a hit, slow down on your stroke so unexpected movements don’t cause them to spill it on their bed or worse, their face
5. I see this in porn a lot, & I HATE it - repeatedly taking your dick out all the way, jamming it back in, & doing this over & over again. All you’re doing is pumping the poor guy full of air. Does that sound sexy? The end result will just be lots of wet farts
6. Some of you have commented on enjoying how verbal I am. The truth is, it’s not hard & doesn’t require a lot of special skill - just say what comes to your mind honestly & I promise it will sound sexy. The difficult part is probably the enunciation & not stumbling over it
6. (cont.) I once had to wait over a year for a guy I liked to break up with his bf. When we finally got together, without thinking I whispered, “you have no idea how long I’ve waited for this” while I was inside him & afterward he told me that was one of his favorite moments
7. If you’re the kind of top who likes to pull hair, ask first. Every man in my family has premature balding & I do not need you to help expedite that process
8. I’ve posted this before - a few times I’ve experienced a round 2 where the bottom rides me reverse cowgirl/boy - when they get up, your first load inside them will end up getting pulled out & slingshotted onto your body. If you want that, here you go; if you don’t, avoid this
9. Yanking a dick out can cause as much damage as forcefully jamming it in (I learned this from Evan Goldstein, a butt doctor in NYC); when you’re pulling out, do it gently!
10. This goes for both partners - if you’ve taken videos, send them before you leave otherwise you never will & it puts them in the awkward position of having to ask. Be considerate that if there’s a video of them fucking that exists online, they should have access to it too
