Good morning - Today marks ten years since I lost my ex-boyfriend and best friend James to suicide. I think about him every day, and miss him incredibly. He was an extraordinary character with a huge heart, and a loud mouth, who lost an incredibly brave battle with depression.

I found it hard to deal with then, and I still mourn him now but because I know how hard he fought to stay alive for so long and because of his eventual death, I understand why people feel so desperate they eventually end their own lives. I would love for that not to be the case.

I always tweet about him on the anniversary of his death, partly because I want to remember him but also because death, grief and suicide affect most of us at some time and the conversation is such an important one to have.

Sufferers of depression, or anyone with suicidal thoughts shouldn't suffer alone and yet they do. It took me years to talk to someone about grief and depression and when I did I found so much love, and help and people who understood.

SO I hope that if just one person who feels this way reaches out to someone today and asks for help. It isn't easy to talk about, it isn't easy to discuss but no one should suffer alone. So please don't.

If there is no one around you or you don't feel you can ask for help, then speak to a kind stranger on the end of a phone. Call the Samaritans on 116 123 any time of day and night and start the conversation there. Please don't suffer alone.

Lockdown has seen suicide rates soar in an unprecendented manner and so much of this is preventable if a conversation is had.

Finally (and I will shut up in a minute and have my good cry as I always do today) to those who have suffered the loss of someone, also ask for help. I let grief overwhelm me after James's death & it took me years to ask for help because I wasn't able to cope with my grief alone

Grief is like a dark cloud I couldn't shake and i only started to come to terms with it when I accepted it for what it was and started talking - in my case to a professional - but with help so I started to move on.

If you have taken time to read all the above, thank you. Please talk, please ask people if they are ok. It is so important. I am off to sit on a bench and have a good think and cry to honour James and all that knew him. He is so so much missed. x

1 more thing (sorry). For the first time this year I won’t toast his life with a drink or ten as I’m three months without alcohol! I’m so grateful I can sit with my feelings and not try and forget him with wine. It’s a new brave world that I’m not sure I’ll turn back from.

Finally (finally) a face to the name. He was funny, stupid, gregarious and principled. He hated wrongs and took a career that would enable him to make the world a better place. He was exceptional and bright and fought for years. I love my old photos of him.