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1
I've taken a lot of hits over the years for warning people that sexual culture was getting worse, not better.
Back in 2017, I wrote
"...how can we respond to a sex-related problem in our culture when we have no idea what healthy sexuality is?" https://medium.com/mel-magazine/a-culture-thats-sick-about-sex-will-never-be-able-to-stop-harassment-and-abuse-edb2f4bc185e
I've taken a lot of hits over the years for warning people that sexual culture was getting worse, not better.
Back in 2017, I wrote
"...how can we respond to a sex-related problem in our culture when we have no idea what healthy sexuality is?" https://medium.com/mel-magazine/a-culture-thats-sick-about-sex-will-never-be-able-to-stop-harassment-and-abuse-edb2f4bc185e
2
The same year, I also cautioned, in a long thread, that people need to be very careful about trying to apply a one-size-fits-all model of sexual ethics when that model was developed by wealthy straight white women and well-to-do white straight people at universities.
The same year, I also cautioned, in a long thread, that people need to be very careful about trying to apply a one-size-fits-all model of sexual ethics when that model was developed by wealthy straight white women and well-to-do white straight people at universities.
3
Both times, of course, people said I was a "rape apologist." It's fine, I could take the hit, whatever.
It was clear enough to see that a certain idea of consent blended with sexual conservatism and fundamentalism was on the rise.
It was important to say something about it.
Both times, of course, people said I was a "rape apologist." It's fine, I could take the hit, whatever.
It was clear enough to see that a certain idea of consent blended with sexual conservatism and fundamentalism was on the rise.
It was important to say something about it.
4
It was a bummer, of course, that some of the people who said so were "queer" men but that was par for the course.
The disconnection of "queer" from its radical roots was also underway.
It was becoming merely a marker of the aesthetics of sexuality.
It was a bummer, of course, that some of the people who said so were "queer" men but that was par for the course.
The disconnection of "queer" from its radical roots was also underway.
It was becoming merely a marker of the aesthetics of sexuality.
5
A year earlier in 2016, I'd said that the sex workers' rights movement should be cautious about adopting a purely "sex work is work" stance that didn't also include "sex work is sex" if it didn't want to fall prey to the same problems as gay marriage. Also got shit, obviously.
A year earlier in 2016, I'd said that the sex workers' rights movement should be cautious about adopting a purely "sex work is work" stance that didn't also include "sex work is sex" if it didn't want to fall prey to the same problems as gay marriage. Also got shit, obviously.
6
Then in 2018 FOSTA/SESTA passed, which I also - along with many sex workers - fought against.
But of course the left was largely unresponsive, even though sex workers' rights arguments hinged largely around labor safety etc.
Then in 2018 FOSTA/SESTA passed, which I also - along with many sex workers - fought against.
But of course the left was largely unresponsive, even though sex workers' rights arguments hinged largely around labor safety etc.
7
So what do we have now?
"No sex at Pride" leftists
"Consensual sex between gay men is terrible" leftists
"Sex work is counter to the revolution" leftists
Queers for Kamala Harris, a left that is not just ambiguous about sex but potently anti-sex.
So what do we have now?
"No sex at Pride" leftists
"Consensual sex between gay men is terrible" leftists
"Sex work is counter to the revolution" leftists
Queers for Kamala Harris, a left that is not just ambiguous about sex but potently anti-sex.
8
I don't want to say I told you so, I want to say: Stop.
Sex is not a site of danger anymore than any other constitutive aspect of being human.
It's neutral and it can be explored to gain political insight.
It can't be contained by any mere political lens or power dynamic.
I don't want to say I told you so, I want to say: Stop.
Sex is not a site of danger anymore than any other constitutive aspect of being human.
It's neutral and it can be explored to gain political insight.
It can't be contained by any mere political lens or power dynamic.
9
It's fine if people want to keep attacking me for saying that sex is important; that it is not merely a by-product; that it is not just ornamental; that it cannot be boiled down to power or class or identity.
But I do hope more people take time thinking about it.
It's fine if people want to keep attacking me for saying that sex is important; that it is not merely a by-product; that it is not just ornamental; that it cannot be boiled down to power or class or identity.
But I do hope more people take time thinking about it.
10
If you don't, you're going to find yourselves living in a completely certain but totally fragile shell.
It's not going to be good for you or for any of us.
We will keep making walls and calling the "boundaries."
If you don't, you're going to find yourselves living in a completely certain but totally fragile shell.
It's not going to be good for you or for any of us.
We will keep making walls and calling the "boundaries."
11
What I've said for over a decade now, what I will say again:
No one has the right to violate your boundary. Ever.
But if you don't investigate your own boundaries and interrogate them, you will use them as a weapon against others.
So please get to it.
What I've said for over a decade now, what I will say again:
No one has the right to violate your boundary. Ever.
But if you don't investigate your own boundaries and interrogate them, you will use them as a weapon against others.
So please get to it.
12
Things are getting far, far worse when it comes to sex than they have been for a long time.
Add to this the terror around touch and proximity.
The erosion of togetherness.
The erasure of years of sexual health work done largely by gay & trans and HIV and sex worker activists.
Things are getting far, far worse when it comes to sex than they have been for a long time.
Add to this the terror around touch and proximity.
The erosion of togetherness.
The erasure of years of sexual health work done largely by gay & trans and HIV and sex worker activists.
13
My hope is that the intense repression will lead to a massive un-repressing as with the 60s following the 50s.
It seems inevitable.
But do we need to go through that suffering again?
We could just be reflective and caring and courageous instead.
Try.
My hope is that the intense repression will lead to a massive un-repressing as with the 60s following the 50s.
It seems inevitable.
But do we need to go through that suffering again?
We could just be reflective and caring and courageous instead.
Try.
