We had a student last year who came out with some of the most legendary bullshit I've ever heard...

When asked to explain a period of absence he told me he'd eaten a fererro rocher at a party (the ambassador's?) that put him out of action for two weeks. Apparently he'd been unable to resist the confectionery, despite knowing he was lactose intolerant

He then went on to tell me he was thinking much more carefully about what he was eating and had turned vegetarian. He said he was currently eating "pretty much nothing but corned beef." I asked if he meant Quorn beef and he looked confused...

I asked if what he was eating came in a small square tin and he said yes. He looked horrified to learn corned beef isn't vegetarian

He once came into a lesson ten minutes before the end, stinking of spliff. I asked him if he'd been smoking anything and he said no. I asked why he had a lighter in his hand and, seeming to notice it for the first time, he said "because I'm cold."