Instead of telling girls “you can be anything”, we could tell girls, “you will face challenges that you will be more than discerning enough, smart enough, and strong enough to overcome.”

After one of the first talks I gave in Montreal about the link between diversity and innovation and the need for more of it, two of my role models came up to me and shared that they felt I shouldn’t speak of such things because it could discourage young women from joining.

I had thought at depth about what to say and how much to say in public. I shared with them that I hadn’t expected to encounter sexism in my generation and the first time I did, when I was 26 in a role in Australia, it was very damaging precisely because I hadn’t considered it.

After that same talk another studio head in Montreal came up to me and told me that when you try to change an organism the organism will reject you. I learned a lot from him about thinking in systems and change management and the nature and paces of social change.

When I saw the depth of how gross Ubisoft Montreal was I thought about what a strong force it was in the local development community and decided—here is like this, but other places must be different. And I went traveling.

One of the first places I went was back to Australia. The truth is I was scared to go. What I saw was beautiful and life-affirming and life-changing.

When I had worked in Australia at 26 and 27, it hadn’t gone well. For example, I remember a conversation with a key team member where he said that women program differently, and I realized why he couldn’t see what I was capable of.

When I returned at 35, I saw a conference full of vibrant, happy people. Different than the game development culture I knew in MTL. And so many women. I saw that communities can grow and change, and I saw who had lead those changes and how. I was very struck.

I traveled around the world for a few years after that exploring different game development communities. It was a special time because Unity was becoming powerful and new game development communities were springing up around the world and new conferences.

I hope I brought the communities I spoke in half as much information and direction as they brought me. I spoke from my perspective—about the Innovator’s Dilemma and how to make opportunities out of setbacks by channeling your own heart and not trying to copy others’ successes.

When I was a girl, if someone had told me the challenges I would face it would have freed me to know my heart, not to choose what I wanted to be from options available in a world built by white men, but to investigate who I was, who I could become, what world we could create.

I’m grateful I got a chance to expand my world with my travels. It helped me know what parts of me were me and what parts were culture. Would I have needed that if I’d been supported more to know my internal wisdom and natural resilience as a girl?