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A quick guide for responding to people who claim to want to defeat Trump, but who tell you they don't want to vote for Joe Biden.
A thread.
These are a bunch of previous tweets strung together.
0/10
A thread.
These are a bunch of previous tweets strung together.
0/10
If you refuse to enthusiastically support Joe Biden because mumble something medi-stuff mumble, then you're the kind of person who would refuse to get on the last helicopter out of a catastrophic flood because the seat cushions clash with your nail polish.
1/10
1/10
If you don't want to vote for Joe Biden over Donald Trump because of any reason that starts with the phrase "both parties", then you've never understood the difference between a steak dinner and a bowl of maggot-flavored cyanide.
2/10
2/10
If you feel tempted to vote for a third-party candidate, then you never really cared about who won the Second World War.
In the last Superbowl, between the 49ers and the Chiefs, you probably put your money on Ridgemont High.
3/10
In the last Superbowl, between the 49ers and the Chiefs, you probably put your money on Ridgemont High.
3/10
If you've got a problem with Joe Biden's ethics, you likely thought Mother Teresa was a sell-out.
Stop listening to Glenn Beck. Seriously.
4/10
Stop listening to Glenn Beck. Seriously.
4/10
If you're okay with Trump getting reelected if Biden doesn't pick the right vice president, then you'd be fine with crashing the plane because the co-pilot doesn't wear Armani.
5/10
5/10
If you think there's something wrong with Biden's mental acuity, trust me on this: that's because you can't follow long sentences or big words. Topics more complex than vanilla ice cream are beyond you. I mean that in a nice way.
(no I really don't.)
6/10
(no I really don't.)
6/10
Biden is the sharpest blade you'll ever see. He's got a stutter. You've been told this. Don't pretend you haven't. It makes you look dumb.
I mean seriously, you think Biden is the one with mental problems?
6.5/10
I mean seriously, you think Biden is the one with mental problems?
6.5/10
Protest-voting to "send a message to the DNC" is like teaching your mean algebra teacher a real lesson by playing Russian roulette with a fully-loaded bazooka. Think about who that really hurts, okay?
No one will hear your "message" when democracy is dead.
7/10
No one will hear your "message" when democracy is dead.
7/10
If you "can't bring yourself to vote for Democrats" this year, don't worry about it. Someone will be happy to bring you to Republicans' gas chambers next year.
That's much better than offending the importance of your ego, right?
8/10
That's much better than offending the importance of your ego, right?
8/10
Protest-voting--for any reason at all--is just masturbation. It might give you a quick thrill, but it accomplishes exactly nothing.
But this year, it's like using a jackhammer as a sex toy. You really won't like the result.
9/10
But this year, it's like using a jackhammer as a sex toy. You really won't like the result.
9/10
Let me know if there are any arguments I've missed from the fake-leftist crowd. (No, I'm not even trying to respond to the Redhat Brigade. I'm Koch-blocking the arguments that might confuse people on the fence, arguments from the Vote Nobody crowd.)
10/10
10/10
