Thread by @Pimps4Sale, So as usual I woke up today and went on a adventure. [...]

So as usual I woke up today and went on a adventure.

Y’all wana hear about my round trip around the city today?

So I’ve been a crummy mood since my aunt passed yesterday. I decided to go treat myself to a me day and a girls night out. So I spend my day waxing and steaming my stress away. I finish it off with lashes and my hoochie outfit and tell my boothang to watch the dogs.

So he goes on this rant about how when I go out I stay gone to long.

So to keep peace in the south I let him tag along for a few of my errands before going to see my girl @Suwetee_ thinking I could drive him around for a bit and he’d get sleepy like most small malechildren

Well I’m getting around to my last stop and I ask him to run in the store for me. He comes back with a wholeass yt man when all I sent him in for was cigars and wine coolers.

This is Birmingham... As in First 48s finest Birmingham. It’s the middle of the night and he brings this strange man to the car talking about he needs a ride home. Like sir..... I ain’t about to be set up by the klan. I ain’t about to be missing or none of that for you and Bob.

So then buddy starts saying how he’s willing to pay 80 dollars for a 15 minute ride at this point because he’s been stranded in the hood for a hour. Like all black folks I’ve been raised to know all money ain’t good money.

I’m peeping sons whole set up and I’m just not feeling comfortable about taking him anywhere. Cause I’m not heartless but I am cautious.... how did your ytass get stranded in westend anyway?

He proceeds to tell me that he was drunk driving and accidentally hit someone and fled the scene...... that the guy he hit followed him and beat him up at gun point but he managed to get away and catch a ride with a friend but his friend was to methd up to take him home.

By now I’ve locked the doors and pulled my gun out. I ask him to give me one reason I should care “Look I know I’m yt but I’m not racist. I’m just a drunk cracker tryin to get home. Ever since the riots started it’s like nobody likes me. Like I shot innocent ppI ain’t did shit”

Well being that my friends a black criminal himself I guess he felt this mans pain. I let him borrow my phone at gun point and he calls his girlfriend and basically begs her to cashapp me 50 to make up for what he didn’t have. I get my money and allow him to get in the car.

This is some dumassshit is all I keep thinking to myself. So I ask bruh where he stays at and he says “Warrior Rd” which is in westend. He starts giving directions and I realize we headed for the interstate. I’m not from here but I know when I’m leaving westend.

15 minutes go by and we’ve obviously left westend altogether so I asked him what his address was again and this mf says I meant to say Warrior Alabama....... which ain’t in Birmingham at all.

I got my 80 dollars and basically turned into a high class Uber in a dress and high heels. So Blake’s high ass takes my aux cord and asks to play his mixtape between asking us questions about how “hit and runs” work when you have drugs in the car.

Me: Well is it your car?

No it’s my girlfriends.

Me: Well did the cops call her?

Yes.

Me: Did she report it stolen?

No she told them I had it.

Me: You want to go home to the address the car is registered to Blake sweetheart?

I’ve basically become a therapist

So 40 minutes later we pull up to suburbs where Blake lives. He reaches into the front seat hugs us both around the neck quickly then rolls out of my moving car into his front yard while screaming I love you mfs.

Free my nigha Blake. Cause his ass is going to jail. I told him it’s better to face his time now and be a man about it and get the help he needs. Running and hiding will only get you further in the hole. He said he did 15 days once and almost killed himself. Ima have to write him

You can tell sis is tired of his shit.

Latest Threads Unrolled: