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POWER, CONTROL, AND EXCHANGING IT; A LONG-ASS THREAD ON MY THOUGHTS.
So it's pretty obvious that my stance is that both parties are equal in a "Who has the power in a dynamic?" debate.
If that wasn't the case, then we need to examine when someone has more power, and why.
So it's pretty obvious that my stance is that both parties are equal in a "Who has the power in a dynamic?" debate.
If that wasn't the case, then we need to examine when someone has more power, and why.
So first lets discuss the definition of power.
In short, it's the ability to control things. In this situation, it would be a person controlling their parter/dynamic.
The term "power exchange" is used a lot in BDSM, and people talk about the "give and take" of control.
In short, it's the ability to control things. In this situation, it would be a person controlling their parter/dynamic.
The term "power exchange" is used a lot in BDSM, and people talk about the "give and take" of control.
I've noticed that people see "give and take" and automatically associate it with "The sub gives UP their agency and the Dom/me TAKES it from them."
But can the Dom/me *really* take the subs agency considering the sub can safeword out of any situation? I'll get to that soon.
But can the Dom/me *really* take the subs agency considering the sub can safeword out of any situation? I'll get to that soon.
I think people forget that the give and take aspect also works the opposite way as well;
The Dom/me gives power to the sub (by means of giving them orders/commands), and the sub takes those orders from the Dom/me. They both do so freely and willingly.
The Dom/me gives power to the sub (by means of giving them orders/commands), and the sub takes those orders from the Dom/me. They both do so freely and willingly.
And of course I'm sure (I hope) we're all in agreement that in a healthy dynamic, they they have already discussed what is and isn't allowed, and would do so before participating in new fetishes. So BOTH people are fully aware of what will be happening and what to expect.
When does a Dom/me have power?
Well they are the ones "controlling" the scene. They're the ones giving commands and telling the sub what to do. They can give out a punishment if the sub disobeys. To some this is what makes them think the Dom/me has the power.
Well they are the ones "controlling" the scene. They're the ones giving commands and telling the sub what to do. They can give out a punishment if the sub disobeys. To some this is what makes them think the Dom/me has the power.
When does a sub have power?
The fact that subs can use their safeword to stop a scene/etc, make some people think that they have the power as they can ultimately end whatever is happening.
As I said earlier, this is what makes some think that a Dom/me can't REALLY take
The fact that subs can use their safeword to stop a scene/etc, make some people think that they have the power as they can ultimately end whatever is happening.
As I said earlier, this is what makes some think that a Dom/me can't REALLY take
anything (power/agency/etc) from the sub, because the sub can always say "No, I don't want to do this right now."
The sub "controls" the scene because they can say no.
And the opposite is true - Dominants can also say "No I don't want to do this right now".
The sub "controls" the scene because they can say no.
And the opposite is true - Dominants can also say "No I don't want to do this right now".
And neither one can overrule the other when they say "NO."
Any context is irrelevant because what matters most are two things;
1) Are both participants already fully informed of what will be happening first?
The answer should be YES BOTH ARE AWARE in a healthy relationship.
Any context is irrelevant because what matters most are two things;
1) Are both participants already fully informed of what will be happening first?
The answer should be YES BOTH ARE AWARE in a healthy relationship.
2) Can both participants say "No I want to stop this"/use their safeword and be immediately obeyed?
The answer should be YES BOTH CAN STOP WHAT'S GOING ON IMMEDIATELY in a healthy dynamic.
The answer should be YES BOTH CAN STOP WHAT'S GOING ON IMMEDIATELY in a healthy dynamic.
So to sum up:
- Both parties give AND take something from their partner in a healthy power exchange.
- Both parties will be fully informed of what will be happening prior to any power exchange and consent to the acts in a healthy power exchange.
- Both parties give AND take something from their partner in a healthy power exchange.
- Both parties will be fully informed of what will be happening prior to any power exchange and consent to the acts in a healthy power exchange.
- Both parties can immediately stop the exchange and the other person can't overrule the other in a healthy power exchange.
Therefore, both parties are equal when it comes to a power exchange.
Therefore, both parties are equal when it comes to a power exchange.
There is no situation in a HEALTHY dynamic, where the one person has full power/control that the other can't get out of.
