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My friends know that I have battled with generalised depression & anxiety most of my adult life. At times it leaves me devoid of the will to carry on. Depression is a HUGE killer. Last year my friend & tenant took his own life in my house. Now I’m determined to TALK about MH! 1/n
Those who haven’t ever experienced it equate it with being ‘sad’ but it’s far more complex than that. Both body & brain refuse you continue. They slowly give up & u feel suffocated by hopelessness. Imagine drowning but you’re holding ur OWN head under! The fight is exhausting 2/n
And some days you feel useless because even breathing feels like a gargantuan effort. It’s not laziness. There is no pleasure taken in this lack of productivity. Sometimes I hide from the door bell or phone because the thought of talking & pretending I’m ok drains me. I lie & 3/n
Say I’m unwell. Which, of course, I am. But it’s hard to articulate “I haven’t eaten, washed or dressed in days because I can’t make my own body move” without being utterly ashamed. When I‘m ok I’ll give everything 150%. I try to make sure I’m “worth” just as much as a “well” 4/n
Person. There are wonderful insights & benefits to being me. Heightened empathy, when I’m good I’m REALLY good & im a tough cookie for surviving. It’s hard when your brain wants you to stop & your body starts agreeing. But talking saved me. Telling friends. Stopping the lies!
