I’m a single mom BUT I’m not ready to date certain single fathers.

Here’s why :

Now before I carry on, you may all know I love polygamy and big families BUT

There’s a fine line between long term relationship with blending children AND just a short term relationship with children involved.

So be careful of that

There’s this misconception that all single mothers want to be with single dads.

Some single moms don’t want this and would rather remain single.

But let me get into my points and my reasoning..

1. First of all. The biggest factor of all, I’ve had terrible experiences with single fathers.

The worst experiences ever.
So unfortunately they have stuck with me and I approach single fathers with caution now.

2. During my time playing “mom” to other children, the expectations that were set for me we far too unrealistic.

It was like I’m fully accountable and taking over fully from biological mothers.

And that’s not what I want. Biological mothers deserve their children, too.

3. Blending families without a marriage and with unhealthy relationships is very difficult.

You can’t blend children if you and your baby mother are fighting every second.

It means my child will now be indirectly impacted by your toxic relationships.

4. Financially, I can honestly only afford my child at the moment.

There will be constant bickering if I do for my child but not yours.

Heh lona! You think you’ve seen it all. Some single fathers literally sit back and want “step moms” to do EVERYTHING while they do NOTHING.

I’m telling you. You now have to carry 5 children when you weren’t ready for it financially and it’s draining.

I’m going to be honest. It’s draining!!!!

I need to be financially ready first so I can be a fair mom.

5. BONDING DOES NOT KICK IN IMMEDIATELY WITH ME!!!

I will say it again.

BONDING DOES NOT KICK IN IMMEDIATELY WITH ME!!!

Shuu. I’ve finally said it.

•Please..if you want me to be a stepmom to your child, understand that I need to adjust.
•My instincts need to kick in that I’m now a mom to 5 children.
•The relationship has to build itself!!! Not be forced!!
•DO NOT rush your child to like me

•DO NOT force your child to like me.
•The bond is between me and your child and we need to work it out ourselves without you.

But seemingly some single dads don’t seem to understand this. AT ALL

6. My time currently is genuinely invested in my child. He’s a toddler. He still needs so much of my personal attention.

Allow me to mother my child correctly before I can come to yours.

BUT ALAS, some single dads don’t understand this.

7. Now some single dads’ favourite line :
“I can see you don’t like my child. I can see my child is a burden.”

If I had a Rand for everytime I heard this

Some dads use this line to manipulate new stepmoms into abandoning their own children.

Come fight me on this one!

There are single dads who use this line sooo frequently. Even on women who don’t have children!!!

One little act of “I’m sorry not today” can end up in an argument of “I see my child is a burden.”

Bantas’

8. This one was done to me personally and it still makes me angry til today.

I respected and loved this man’s child and he one day started disrespecting my child indirectly through comments (he had NEVER met my child but the things he said upset me)

If we can’t mutually respect our children then I’m not ready for dating certain single dads.

I cut him off so quickly even. Blocked his number EVERYTHING. Told him “dare I hear you mention my child indirectly that way again!!”

Shuuuu I just got angry all over again.

9. There are really toxic single fathers out there and I just can’t do it with them.

If you are aggressive with your child. What will you do to mine?
If you don’t care what your child has eaten, what about mine?

Should I pass away, how can I leave you with my child?

So no. I will only date single dads who excel at single fathering and maintain healthy family relationships.

I cannot date single dads who do bare minimum for their children!

I can’t! I’m not ready for it!! I don’t think I ever will be!!!

10. My last reason for not being ready for certain single dads.

The overstepping of boundaries is a real thing.

Some single dads genuinely have no regard for boundaries.

And I just can’t handle men who are like that.

So this assumption that all single moms want single dads needs to someday be unpacked AND THOROUGHLY!!

Stop this “stepmoms are evil” narrative when some of the single dads are downright toxic and disrespectful towards single moms and children.